HUMOR IS PERSONAL

CRAZY QUOTES

1.Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

2. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

3. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

4. Having A Female Bestie is Like Keeping Chicken As Pet, One Day You Will Surely Eat It

5. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

6. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

7. Men have only two emotions: hungry and Hot. If you see him without an Attention, make him a sandwich.

8. The older you are, the harder it is to lose weight, because your body and your fat have become good buddies.

9. Law of the Bath: 90 times out of a 100, once you step into the bathroom to have a bath, the telephone rings.

10. Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop.

11. Remember: If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.

12. Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

13. Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine into your brain, and that's where your crappy ideas come from.

14. The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of the act.

15. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

16. I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

17. When nothing is going right, go left.

18. Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

19. When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

20. I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.....

21.You steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.

22. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

23. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

24. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

25. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

26. Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

27. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

28. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

29. Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

30. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

31. I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor

32. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

33. Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.

34. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling and begging them to sit down and shut-up.