Loving You Hurts

5: Used

Melea's Point Of View

I can't f.ucking believe him! He really thinks I'm using him? For what? It's not like he can magically make my photography known worldwide. That prick! Yeah Justin, I'm totally using you to get in the spotlight even though I want nothing to do with it!!

I rolled my eyes at myself. I was fuming with anger. How could someone think so lowly of me? I did nothing to him that would make him question my intentions. He doesn't realize that I don't want to be around him because I know I'm already falling for him, and catching all these feelings. I'm scared of falling in love because I know he will just break my heart, just like the rest. I'm not someone to just drop and forget about, but everytime I try to push him away my heart tugs at me and I can't help it. I start to miss his smile and his laugh, his voice in the mornings or late at night. How he always asks what I'm doing and sends me pictures, hoping I'd like them, but he doesn't realize that I love the pictures he sends me. He wants to support my photography and my dreams, he goes out of his way to show that he has an interest in my photography.

My favorite picture of him was a mistake. He was sitting down while singing 'Purpose' tears stained his cheeks, but he kept on smiling. I didn't mean to take that picture, but it's been my favorite since.

He seemed so genuine and one of the good guys that you bring home to your dad. I just can't believe he would think that I'm embarrassed to be seen with him. If I didn't believe everyone's opinion of myself, I'd be walking down every street and taking pictures any chance I got. I'd be posting endlessly about him and being by his side all the time, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what the world has to say about me, I'm afraid of loving him, because I have a feeling that loving him will hurt. I'm afraid of being heartbroken. Most of all, I'm afraid of losing myself in the spotlight.

I glanced at my phone and it was 6:30pm, he was performing at 8pm. I already bought tickets to his concert, but I didn't have the guts to tell him about it. I wanted to surprise him. I would be in front row, watching him and cheering him on,but now I'm unsure. Is he really done with me? Am I that easy to just forget? Sure we haven't been dating long and we aren't exclusive but it still hurts. I blame the romantic movies. They always set such high expectations about love.
F.uck you Nicholas Sparks!

Does he still want me there? Will it change his mind if I show up?

I had all these unanswered questions swarming my mind.

"Go." Caroline smiled and nodded towards the door. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Go? Bitch where? "I don't want you moping around here. Go. He'll change his mind the moment he sees you." I sighed and smiled slightly. Caroline has been my best friend for years, we've been through so much that nowadays I don't have to tell her anything, she can just notice it.

"I love you." I breathed out as I hugged her tightly. "I know, I'd love me too." She giggled. I stood up and breathed out slowly. I walked to my closet and grabbed high waisted jeans, a white body suit, and my black bomber jacket along with my converse. I grabbed my bag and made sure my camera was fully charged and had a new memory card in it before walking out to my car. I can't believe I'm doing this.

I drove to the arena, my Brain was all over the place telling me to turn back and ignore him one moment and then my heart was telling me to just go and surprise him and support him. I was in a war within myself. I didn't know what to do but before I knew it, I was already parked in front of the arena. I sighed and clutched onto my phone. 

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Look who's the one ignoring and being immature now

Look I'm sorry for being an asshole it's just you really hurt my feelings and I'm not really good at expressing myself. I'm sorry.