Beneathe the Surface

Lose Yourself

Two Weeks Later

Two weeks and I still couldn't bring myself to actually open up to Heck. No matter how good he was to me or how amazing of a listener he was I couldn't bring myself to open up. There was to much to tell, to much pain. You can't lay all that on one person so quickly. He means so much to me and if that's the case then how could I not want to share my every thought with him. How could I not trust him as much as I wanted to?

It's because I was a safe with a combination only I had. I was the only person who could answer any questions I had about myself, but I didn't have the answers yet. Which means I just have to dig a little deeper.

When school was over I went straight home and did my homework. Hecks running errands for his mom so today I was alone. I even got a little writing in, before my father came in and decided to bug me.

"I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with the Young's." I almost chocked on the chip I was eating.

"No."

"None negotiable."

"Then why did you ask!" I say in a loud bitter voice.

"Because I thought it was the polite thing to do. It's a casual dress dinner. At our house. They will be here at seven."

"No. I have other plans."

"You will abide by my rules."

"Like hell I will. I hate this place and I hate-"

"I am sick of you saying you hate us! If you hate us so much then why are you still here? Why do you bother to walk around with a frown on your face and anger in your eyes!"

"Because I have nowhere else to go! Do not mistake me being here for anything else. You both ruined my life with your selfishness." Of course I'm lying about why I am still here. I love them both, but I just can't say that to them not when I'm still so angry. The hurt in my father's eyes is soon replaced by anger.

"You are pushing it Holly."

"When do I reach your limit? Maybe when I do you'll leave me alone. Maybe you'll be home more often, maybe you'll see that it's only legal to have one wife."

"I do have one wife."

"Yeah right. I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't an only child. You are with your girlfriends more than your with us. You know why mom started drinking?" He just looks at me. The anger building inside of him. His face turning redder and redder. "Because she doesn't know how else to handle you! You let her do it because you thought it was better not to confront the problem at hand. Admit it, you want another family, you hate this one. You hate me! You hate her! You hate everything about us and this place! If that's the truth then why don't you just leave us the hell alone! At least then she might stop drinking herself to death."

"I have had enough of this! I am tired of your accusations and your spiteful antics! I don't know what to do with you anymore Holly!"

"That makes the two of us!" I shout back at him.

"I love you and your mother."

"Then why don't you stop being such a blind ass and act like it. Stop screwing every women you come into contact with, stop staying out at all hours of the night and just stop everything! If you love her you'll stop. Your doing this to her."

"You love her. That's why your so concerned."

"No I'd just rather not to see her drink herself to death." Someone steps into the room, it's my mother.

"You really think that?" She's drunk. "You really hate your own mother? I thought you were just upset, but I guess I was wrong." Tears spill out of her eyes and land on her cheeks. I almost want to cry, almost, but I don't think I can show this drunk women in front of me any sympathy. Now if she was sober and acting like my mother then I would run to her and cry, but now I just can't. "Say something Holly!" I wince. "You hate women in front of you!"

"Yes! I hate you because you took my mom and you buried her under some mound of depression and booze. Take it to the weaker link to turn to drinking to solve a problem that she has no control over." I snort. "I won't cry and I won't pout because you fell and don't know how to get back up. I was thirteen, taking care of my drunken mother, only to have her tell me how sorry and worthless I am. If anyone made me as mean and bitter as I am it was you! It should be illegal for women like you to even think about having kids." I stand up. "Everything I did for you when you started and I got nothing but insults. I thought if I helped you that you would figure out that I was there and that I was more important than the glass in your hand and that you would come back to me. I thought you would realize that I was your daughter and that you would love me more than that fucking drink you always have!" I'm out of breath and my voice is horse from screaming. My eyes are cold and glassy.

"I'm sorry." She says sobbing now. She runs out of the room and I close my eyes at the sound of the door shutting.

"Let's hope she comes back." My father mutters and then he shuts my door and leaves. I throw a pillow at the wall and I collapse on my bed and sob.

I'm not crying because I feel sorry for her, I'm crying because I lost the one thing that meant the most to me. I'm crying because I wish I had the mom that sang to me and told me stories and bushed my hair and told me I was the best thing in the world. I yearned for that again.

My thoughts were interrupted when my phone rang.

"Hello." I said straightening my voice.

"Hey, you ok? You sound down."

"Hey Heck. I am fine. Really. Just...tired. I can't talk right now. I will call you later. Oh and I can't come over today. Dinner with the Young's. Yikes I know, but I'm leaving right now and I can't talk so bye." I hang up and sit my phone down. I lie down on my bed and close my eyes. I concentrate on the song that my mom use to sing me. All I could think is about how I promised it would be with me forever.

A few minutes later I get up grab the keys to the car my dad bought me that I never use deciding I can't sit here at longer I grab my bag and head downstairs to the parking lot and get in the driver's seat. I buckle up and start the car. I pull out and after a couple of minutes of silence I hear groaning in the back seat. I look back startled and see my mom sniffling hair sticking up on all sides drool plastered to the side of her face and waking up.

"What the hell!" I shout. She opens her eyes all the way and sits up.

"Oh, if it isn't the daughter who hates me so much." I role my eyes begin to tune around to go back home . "I hate you to. You brought nothing but sadness into my life, your father doesn't want me anymore because of you."

"I'm taking you home." I say as I pull out of the lot I turned into, but she grabs the wheel just as we hit the street. "Mom, stop." I say trying not to sound panicked.

"It would be better off if you'd just die, then he'll want me again! Then he'll love me! He'll realize that he has what he wants. He won't love me because your in the picture, he never wanted kids!"

"Mom your not making since let go of the wheel!" I yell crying now her words pricking like a knife.

"No! Die." I put my foot on the break and we jerk to a stop, but that just makes everything much, much worse.

Author-

Cliff hanger!!!! Haha no worries I will probably upload the next part today!!! :p I really like this story even thou it's my own, I think it's some of my best work. Hope you enjoy!!