Fun, Young Hearts

Tantrums

"Brendon? Bren, are you up?" A voice whispers and there's tapping on my window. I climb out of bed, rubbing my eyes, stumbling to the curtains and opening them. I pair of big eyes stare at me, a smile grows on my face and I slide the window open eagerly. The taller boy jumps through, placing his hands on my face and kissing me. I've missed this, I've missed him. I pull away and observe his face. His strong jaw, his dopey smile, his narrow nose and thick, fluffy brown hair.

"Did you miss me?" He whispers

"So much" he presses his forehead against mine.

"I missed you too" we kiss again, I wrap my arms around his neck as his hands trail down to my waist.

"I love you Dallon"

"I love you too Bren-" I pull away again, to see why he stopped talking. There's blood on his head, running down into the crease of his eye and down his cheek like a tear. I start to panic! Dallon picks up his hands, cuts and bruises start to appear, the blood is everywhere.

"Brendon what's happening?" His voice is unsteady, the injuries are appearing all over his arms. Blood starts to seep through his shirt, like ink leaking in your pocket. I take off his shirt and use it to stop the blood coming from his stomach. He drops too his knees, screaming in pain, I fall with him.

"Dallon... I... please no!"

"Help me, help me please" he strains out, pulling on my shirt with one hand and covering his wounds with the other. His hand drops to the floor, the blood pouring out of his mouth.

"There's so much blood, Dallon, why is there so much blood?!"

"Why aren't you helping brendon? Why aren't you helping me?!"

The walls start to peel away, they turn to nothing, just black. Unknown hands grab my arms, pulling me away from Dallon, I try to fight them off but I can't, their grip is too tight. Dallon gets further and further away, as does his cries for me, I scream back.

"No! No Get Off Me!! I need to save hi- DALLON!"

I shoot up out of bed, covered in my own sweat, Breathing heavily. I look down at my hands, the blood has gone. My bedroom door flies open .

"Dude, you alright?" Tyler sits down on my bed, putting one hand on my shoulder.

"Ye- yeah I... bad dream"

"Dallon again?" He asks with caution.

"Yeah um.. there was alot of.. a lot of blood an- I was shouting of him"

"I heard your shouting, I think the whole street did" Jenna speaks from the door way, giving me a sympathetic smile. She sits on the other side of me, giving me a huge hug, Tyler joins in. Josh walks passed the door, then walks back as he notices we're all in here.

"Aw Family huuug" he let's out cheerfully before practically diving on us all.

"Do you wanna talk abo-" Tyler asks but I stop him

"No" I get off my bed, slipping on some shoes.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to take a walk"

"Where?"

"I don't know"

"Without a jacket?"

"Can you just stop Tyler, just stop asking me questions" I snap at him.

"Okay, I'm..." I take one look at him and guilt over rides me instantly, he looks so sad, I can't be mad at his face, ever.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I just" I apologise.

"I know" he hugs me, leaving both hands on my shoulders afterwards he tells me to put a jacket on, I smile slightly at his concern.

It seems pretty stupid, going for a walk at 2am, in my pj's too. But to be honest I don't take that into consideration, I need to clear my thoughts, my head. I think about why I have those dreams in the first place, why haven't I had them in about 2 months? Why have they come back two nights after giving Ryan them ground rules? What if I have the nightmare whilst sleeping next to him? I'd have to tell him what happened, I can't do that, I can't even think about it. Maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't give it a go with Ryan, that I'll never be over Dallon. Who am I kidding, I'll never be over Dallon. I don't want to be over it, I want to deal with it, I want to understand.

I buy some whiskey from the local store and head to an abandoned skate park, where we all used to hang together. Each swig brings back memories, this is where Tyler met Jenna, where Josh hit some kid with his board for knocking him of his. Where Dallon accidentally outed me by kissing me infront of them, accidentally outing himself to them too. These memories bring warmth as I lay on the cold concrete with my legs in the bowl.

Why are you even trying it with Ryan? You don't feel ready, you're not ready. You're only doing it because everyone else says it's best for you, they don't know what's best for you. No, they're your friends, they want what's best for you, they're just trying to help. Ryan makes you feel better, makes you feel the way Dallon did, care free. What if you lose Ryan? What if you fuck it up? Or he fucks it up? You should end it with Ryan, before anything actually starts. You're not gonna back out because of some recurring dream, so what if you wake up screaming Dallon's name whilst sleeping next to Ryan, suck it up and tell him what happened. You can talk to him about it, he'll understand. Talking will make you vulnerable. So, you're gonna throw away this because of what... you're afraid. Yes. No. Talk to your friends about it. Talk to Ryan about it. Don't end it. Do something. If you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away.

I decide to leave, I argued with myself for what felt like hours, I boiled my own blood. Irritating myself to the point I lost all control. Punching the closest thing to me, which just happens to be a phone box window. My hand goes right through the glass, slicing my hands, bruising my knuckles. I let out a scream and instantly regret punching a phone box. It felt good though, it helped let out some anger. I carry on, kicking trash cans over, throwing rocks, bricks and even my empty glass bottle, smashing a window. Letting out screams like I'm having a giant tantrum. It didn't take long for the police to show up.

Slowly revealing what happened with Dallon ooooo. Also sorry I haven't posted in so long but to make up for it have two chapters bc I'm nice.

Thankyou for reading fam! <3
Stay Street |-/