Niall.
Zayn. That's who I wanted I find... It's who I needed to find.
I was desperately looking through the halls.
Zayn. I wanted to hear his voice, I wanted to see his warm eyes... I wanted to feel his electrifying touch.
But he wasn't at school.. And I didn't know why. He hadn't been for almost the full two weeks we are supposed to be separating.
Separating... I know that's what we're supposed to be doing. I know it was also my idea but I want to see him, I feel lost and Harry is picking that up faster than I hoped he would.
Being without Zayn is like suffering from a withdrawal. I haven't slept at all, I've been worrying endlessly and I just don't feel the bubbles inside of me that kept me happy anymore. It's like... It's like they've all popped.
The school that I'd been at for two years now seemed foreign, and I was getting myself lost in both my thoughts and on the grounds... I didn't know what was wrong with me
I miss him. That's what's wrong with me. It seems like I depend on Zayn more than I though
"Fuck" I muttered, gently rubbing my bandaged arm
Lately my arm had been itching... As though it wanted to be cut. I'd resisted because I didn't want Zayn finding out about my self-harm but my flesh was pleading to be ripped open by a blade, I could practically hear it screaming.
I was starting to get upset... I knew by the looks people were giving me. I knew by the looks that Zayn's 'friends' were giving me.
I wiped my eyes just in case I was crying... Only a little moisture dampened my hand. I bumped into someone... Someone taller than me, quite firm to, the build feeling more familiar than I'd like
"Easy tiger" Harry's husky laugh moaned into my ears
"Sorry I-" I couldn't think of what to say
"Hey... Are you okay?" Harry crouched down to my height and rest a hand on my cheek "what's wrong?"
The boys Harry was with were growing at us... Then glared at me. I wasn't sure why because they hadn't done this when Harry told them all he had a boyfriend. They'd been so friendly to me to start off with.
I knew one of them were called Alex, I think he was a Chinese exchange student. The other was Will, supposedly friends with Harry since he was really really little and he'd been here for a year, not realising Harry was here too. Then there was Aaron, I didn't particularly like Aaron... He was too friendly, slightly annoying even. But he was a great listener, he just hung off everyone like a sloth on a tree.
"Did Zayn push you again?" Harry whispered
"No actually" I mumbled, hiding my hands in my jumper by pulling the selves into my nervous fists "Zayn isn't here today... I already checked"
"Is that why you're upset?" Harry's voice sounded irritated
"No I-" I had to make something up "those things..."
"Things?" Harry raised an eyebrow
"I can't tell you" I sighed "not with... Not with your friends round"
"Guys, could you give us a second?" Harry asked
His friends nodded and walked a little away, immediately telling each other how much of a baby I could be
"What things Niall?"
"My wrist hurts" I answered "the one... The one that I cut"
It wasn't a total lie, my itch was stinging my wrist like shampoo in your eyes.
"How come?"
"I dunno but... I want to stop the marks from hurting"
"You're not opening up those wounds again" Harry said sternly "do I make myself clear?"
"Yes" I whimpered
"Good" Harry's adorable smile was put on show, two perfect little dimples appearing on either side of his cheeks
"I'm better now" I gave Harry a tiny smile
"Are you sure?"
I nodded, wanting him to leave again
"Use your words"
"Yes, I'm sure" I answered
"That's my little leprechaun" Harry chuckled, rubbing his face against mine
I couldn't help it, I had to giggle. So I did. I giggled loud enough for Harry's friends to hear, trying to push Harry away
"You're a cutie" Harry licked me playfully
"Stop" I squirmed in delight "stopppp. Harry!"
"Chin up" Harry lifted my face to his as he stood up tall again "and smile... I want you to wear that beautiful smile the rest of today"
I put on my best smile... Being told I had a beautiful smile always made me smile.
"I love you" Harry smiled, kissing the top of my hand as he lifted it to his lips
I hated how honest Harry was with me... It always made me feel like I knew too much and that this would backfire on me completely. Harry doesn't know I've even kissed Zayn since the video Zayn had put on PornHub and I didn't want Harry to find out either.
"I love you too" I blushed
Harry then pet my head as a loving gesture and went back to his friends, immediately becoming his quiet and calm self.
He was only excited when I was around... I knew that. I'm pretty sure everyone did. I'd given Harry a whole lot of confidence because of this 'dating' thing. He told me he was thinking of just turning gay... I still can't believe we even had that conversation.
I don't even want Harry bi to be honest... I need him to be my support still. But I need him to be my straight support. I need to know that he isn't going to have a secret crush on me like Liam has since he was eleven.
That still bugs me too... So does Liam hanging out with Louis and everyone else, including Zayn.
How am I supposed to keep sneaking around with Liam here? Not that I've been sneaking lately anyway.
"I give up" I whimpered, walking as fast as I could to my locker
I had art first. So I grabbed my folder and my brushes. My pencils, my paints... Even my crayons.
It's weird that people think crayons are for children. Some crayons (not jovi's) are thin and sharp... The way an artists pencil is. Only difference is it's a crayon.
I sat in my empty class after that... Waiting for the bell to ring and other people to come into the room...
Boy did I wait a long time.
