|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|Dear Aiden Sequel|

|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|5|

I apologize for any typos or mistakes. I started this chapter at 3am and finished at 4:08am. I really wanted to get it out once I started. I hope you all enjoy. Also, what do you guys think of how I've been putting songs that go with the chapter on the side? I love hearing from you guys. It really inspires me to keep writing.~

For the first time in a long time Justin and I sat side by side, shoulder to shoulder, just as civil as ever, next to each other.  I’d seen him cry and he’d seen me fall apart right in front of his eyes only moments ago. We sat, almost content, on the couch again. I’ve since put my shirt back on to cover the burns and we’ve both dried our tears. Though we’d finally started talking without me getting upset, we had yet to speak more. I merely sat with my back to his side and rested my head on his shoulder.

It was now almost seven o’ clock at night. My stomach was growling, as if on cue, for this was around the time when most people would be eating dinner. The carrots I’d brought in here earlier were now warm and unappealing. I silently wondered if Papa had left any food in the mini-fridge. Anything that I could eat, that is.

I couldn’t stop replaying my episode over and over in my head like a CD player stuck on repeat. I was beginning to feel slightly ashamed of the weakness I had shown. My mom always told me that strong girls don’t cry…and I had bawled. Though, I have to admit, it was what I needed to get out what needed to be let out. It was hell trying to hold it all back. Even so, I still felt slightly odd about what had happened.

“Hey..Justin?” I said in a slight whisper, my voice cracking.

“Hm?” He said.

“I’m sorry. You know, for what just happened. I sort of lost it there for a second. I’m sure it was awkward for you and I really didn’t want that…” I apologized.

“Don’t be sorry for anything. I don’t think you did anything wrong,” he said.

“I did. I let it all out and now everything is started to come back to me. It’s rushing into me like a tidal wave. Everything that I’d worked so hard to push away,” I continued on.

“What do you mean?” he asked, “like what?”

“Well, everything about the fire. Everything that happened before that…” I answered, being quite vague with him as I was a bit afraid of what he would say or do if I admitted what I was really feeling.

“Don’t be so short with me, A. I can’t help you unless you let me in a little,” He said.

“But that’s exactly what I did last time…and look at where we are now…locked in a rec room…being forced to spend time with each other…because we both were falling apart from the inside out”I whispered hoarsely.

“I still don’t understand,” he said.

“The last time I let you in, I got too emotionally involved…and I fell in love with something that I so obviously could not have,” I said, finally spitting out the gist of what I meant.

“But I thought that you didn’t feel that way. I thought that’s what you said…”he stammered.

“I lied,” I sighed, “and now I really can’t have you. Because you belong to someone else now,” I said, mostly speaking to myself.

He didn’t say anything for he probably knew where I was going with this.

“Selena,” I said, “you’re with her now…and I can’t have you…”

“I know,” he said sadly, “I’m sorry.”

“It seems like this god forsaken town has taken everything from me. My friends, my once normal family, and now you. Ever since I got here, I’ve lost everything,” I spoke with tears welling up in my eyes again.

“You haven’t lost me, A. I’m right here.” He said.

“You might be close to me physically, but emotionally now you’re a million miles away,” I said, lifting my head up off of his shoulder and resituating myself in my spot. Now sitting so that I was facing him.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said.

“Don’t you remember when you spent that week in Fort Worth and we bonded so well? And you even showed some sort of attraction to me? Have the memories of me in your hotel suite, when I slept in YOUR bed and you had YOUR arm around me, left you completely? Do you not remember that day when we sat in the woods and you saw my scars from where I had hurt myself and showed so much hurt and sadness because of the fact that I did it? No ordinary attraction would cause that type of reaction to something like that. There had to be another reason why you came for me, Justin. There had to be another reason why you felt so adamantly about seeing me that night.” I said.

“I remember…” he nodded.

“I fell so much in love with you that week and I was so terrified to tell you. Absolutely terrified.  But now that I’ve seen the worst that life has to give and even had my life almost taken from me by a psycho-maniac, I’m not so afraid of the small things anymore. Like rejection,” I said.

“You should have said something. I told you how I felt,” He said to me.

“Yes. I know. I’ve lost my chance, so if you could please not make it harder for me accept, that would be great,” I choked, looking down to conceal my tears that, again, betrayed me.

He didn’t speak. I’m sure he didn’t know what to say. Or maybe he felt that speaking would ruin the bad-romance-novel moment.

“I feel so guilty,” I admitted, “and I feel like an awful person for wanting something that I can’t have.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything,” he said in a terrible attempt at a consoling tone.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t. Because I haven’t done anything wrong,” I said, “and if I’m going to feel bad, then I might as well have a reason to, right?”

With that I leaned forward quickly and sat, facing him, in his lap as he looked at me with a confused expression and planted my lips softly on his. I had expected him to pull away immediately and scold me for what I had done and had secretly prepared myself for it. However, whenever it was the exact opposite of my assumption that happened at that moment, I was unsure of what to do. Though, I couldn’t pull away because, rather than act negatively toward my obviously out of line actions, Justin had put his hand on the nape of my neck and kissed me back with more passion than I had ever experienced in my 17 years of life.

The actions we both were making would be frowned upon by most since it was quite obvious that he was not available and was in a, presumed, happy relationship with Selena. Though, without any lookers- on, there was nobody to stop us and tell us we were wrong. And so it continued. Our lips interlocked with each other’s, I found my hands searching for his and, when they found them, interlocked fingers.

Some people might assume that we would have gone “all the way”, however I’m not that type of girl. Even though I’m in a very fragile mental state, I would never trek that far. Also, I’m sure Justin would have stopped me before I had gone too far. I didn’t want anything more than to feel close to him, even closer than I had felt last fall when I tried so hard to keep him at a distance. Suddenly I was pulling him in close.  I gained that satisfaction with this one kiss that seemed to go on for ages and the tingling of the chemical reaction that seemed to be taking place between the two of us as we kissed passionately. Though, as good things always do, this had to end.

Soon enough I came to my senses, remembering how wrong this was and broke it off even though I wanted so badly to continue. I opened my eyes and looked deeply into his.

“Now I have a reason to be sorry,” I said, biting my lip bottom lip.

“I’m not sorry,” he whispered, his chestnut eyes gleaming.