|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|Dear Aiden Sequel|

|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|13|

I’d pretty much guessed there wasn’t much more to talk about and it was starting to get dark after a few hours past of us sitting idly, staring out at the fountains. We made our way back to the hotel room where I sat on the couch, contemplating my next move. I wanted to ask Justin how leaving affected him. I just wasn’t sure if it was something I was ready to know.

He sat on the other side of the couch quietly and I opened my mouth to speak, “Hey, Justin. I have a question.”

He cocked his head, raising an eyebrow.

“Tell me. Really how bad was it when you left?” I asked.

“It was awful, A,” he started, looking down, “it was hard to do anything. I couldn’t eat or sleep, breathing was a burden, it was hard for me to leave you after the last memory I had of you was of the medics pulling you away from me, Gator pulling me away from you. I couldn’t get that image of you, covered in blood and ashes just laying limp and lifeless. I thought you were gone. I fainted, the doctor said from shock, and I was covered in dried blood and soot. I knew that it would only make things worse if the media got involved, so I left.”

“I understand that much, but why did you not even bother to call?” I pushed on.

“I was afraid. I was afraid to hear your voice. I just…I remembered hearing you yelling inside the house. I remember just how at loss for hope your voice sounded, and I was afraid to hear that again. Then Selena came into the picture and she didn’t really approve of the idea of getting back in touch with you,” he answered.

I nodded, my feeling that Selena played a part in Justin’s prolonged absence being confirmed.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think she should have had anything to do with what happened in Texas. You might not see it how I do, but I don’t think she does you any good. Had you come around sooner, I might not be so beat up about it,” I said, trying not to get an attitude.

“I understand where you’re coming from,” he said, “I really wanted to, but Selena was what kept my feet on the ground and I was still so afraid to call.”

“Justin, I’m a strong girl and I can handle a lot. I lived with Robert for 8 years, dealing with his abuse. I can handle all that. I woke up and all I wanted was normality. At that specific time of my life, you being around was part of my normal, everyday life,” I said.

He bit his lip, his brow furrowed in thought.

“Had you come around sooner, that hopeless tone of voice that you heard then and get from me now wouldn’t be here,” I added.

Justin nodded, “I’m glad that you’re being so calm about all this now. I promise I won’t let you regret it.”

The quickly changed subject gave me the feeling that he was keeping something from me. Instead of press the issue and cause an argument, I just let it slide. I sat quietly, thinking hard. 

“I’m gonna call room service for some dinner. We can order a movie on the TV and just have a night together, okay? I’ll shut off my cell phone and it’ll just be us,” he smiled and my heart gave a squeeze. I have to admit that it was pretty nice being around Justin. He called downstairs and I went to the bedroom to put some pajamas on. I kicked off my heels and dug through my suitcase to find an old T shirt and my pair of sweatpants. I looked like I’d just crawled out of a thrift store, but I was comfortable so whatever.

I came up behind Justin who was turning off his phone. For some reason he seemed fragile, so I gently touched his shoulder to let him know that I was behind him. I could feel him tense up when I did this and quickly drew back my hand. “Sorry,” I muttered.

“No, it’s okay, I just wasn’t expecting you behind me. It scared me,” he said, forcing a laugh.

I went and sat back down on the couch and Justin waited for the food. It took about 20 minutes for it to get here. The smell of pizza filled the hotel room and my mouth watered and my stomach growled. How long had it been since I’d actually eaten pizza? Too long.

“A, are you hungry?” Justin asked, his voice giving off a tone as if he knew I was going to tell him that I wasn’t.

“Actually, yeah, I kind of am,” I said, standing. For the first time, I actually realized how my clothes seemed to swallow me. I knew I’d dropped weight, but I don’t think I was truly aware of how much until right this moment. I was a little embarrassed by it.

With a new found self-consciousness, I approached Justin and took a slice of pizza. Looking at my bony fingers as I set it down on my napkin, which I was using as a plate, I decided I’d better eat two slices.  Justin poured us some soda and set the cups down on the coffee table in front of the couch where I joined him, sitting down.

The second I took that first bite, it was actually kind of hard not to let out just a quite whimper of delight at the taste. Somehow, my body’s constant refusal to keep down food had disappeared and been replaced with an overwhelming hunger. I wolfed down the first slice of pizza while Justin was still searching for a movie to watch. Eventually he picked one and set the remote down to eat his food. I felt like a monster because, while Justin hadn’t eaten much at all yet, I was already almost done. What was I? Starving? Still slightly hungry, but not wanting to seem like a pig, I folded up my napkin and set it on the coffee table and took a long drink of my soda.

After Justin finished eating, he got up to throw away the trash and came to sit back down. I was already sleepy. I found myself resting my head on his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind. It took me less than ten minutes to fall asleep that way.