|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|Dear Aiden Sequel|

|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|1|

This is the first CHAPTER of the sequel. Please read the epilogue before this in order to refrain from being confused.

I'm trying a new thing with my stories where I place a video with a song that fits the chapter on the right. Feedback on this and on the story is much appreciated.

______________________________________________________________________________

It’s December and the weather in Kingman, Arizona has finally turned from the blistering heat, to the bitter cold. While everyone else is inside spending their winter break playing video games, sleeping, and watching television, I find myself sitting on the edge of a tall pile of boulders that sit in the middle of the desert in which my kitchen window looks out upon.  I sit here and contemplate my options, my iPod playing loudly in my ears. I find myself out here quite often, contemplating an attempt at flight.

Each time, I figure that it’s not the right moment to jump. I can never understand why my mind decides against it. I come to this conclusion once again and put my cigarette out on the rocks and stand, turning to climb down.

When my feet touched the ground, I made my way back home. I looked over in the direction of the, now snow-capped, Hualapai mountains, thinking that maybe I should go visit my sister and my cousin Rosie.  That was the only place where I could get some peace. Maybe I would take Rosie’s 4 year old sledding or build a snow fort with Caitlin, the only girl at Kingman High who didn’t ridicule me and treat me like the Bubonic Plague.

I came up behind my house. My house is actually a double wide trailer that we live in with my nana and Uncle Randall. We moved here without a plan and found ourselves living with my nana. Kylee moved in with her grandpa who lives in the mountains. Living with an old senile woman, a grumpy middle aged man, and a drug addict hasn’t made our situation any better.

If it wasn’t already bad by the time we got here, my mom made a few bad decisions here and there and found herself behind bars. Working for an ear, nose, and throat doctor here in town, she began calling in pain medication for herself, becoming addicted. It took us almost 3 months to get her out of jail, and she got away easy with four years of probation. Though, it hasn’t gotten much better. If you didn’t know, pain management doctor’s hand out medication like candy, so I have to distribute my mother’s medicine to her or I’ll find her tripping out in her bedroom, which is actually our family room with her bed in it.

I walked inside our big red front door, the house was warm and smelled like holiday baking. Though, as usual, I wasn’t hungry for anything. Without talking to anybody, I retreated to my bedroom and plugged in my Christmas lights which I’d hung around the bedroom ceiling. The dim light was perfect for me since my eyes had seemed to become sensitive to bright lights.

I threw myself back onto my bed and pulled my cell phone out of my jacket pocket. Gator texted me. I’m surprised he didn’t just forget about me whenever I moved. Even though it’s been over a year since I’d heard from him, I still sometimes hope Justin’s number will pop up on my caller ID. He had more things to worry about, I guess. Now he has a beautiful, no-baggage-to-come-with girl to be with.

I must have been mistaken but I’m almost positive that we almost happened.  Maybe it was because that “virginity” rumor. Who am I kidding? If anything it was because he was so close to me he nearly died. I texted Gator back and put my phone back into my pocket, closing my eyes tiredly. It was nearly 7 o’ clock at night.

I heard my nana and mom talking the day before yesterday about Justin. They didn’t say anything about him in front of me. Not anymore. They were talking about how he was going to be in Las Vegas for a charity event sometime this week. Las Vegas being only an hour or so away, I almost hoped he would come visit. However, it was unlikely since the chances of him actually knowing where I live now are slim to none since we don’t talk anymore.

Unknown to the others around me, I forced myself to suppress any memories I had with Justin. Though this plan worked during the day, it was sleeping that I feared the most, for he haunts my dreams.  These dreams reopened old wounds which stung like nothing I’d ever felt. I hate him for changing me…for saving me. From what I remember from that moment of deafening silence where the paramedics had almost lost me that night, death was much more peaceful than this.

For the first time in weeks, I slept. I slept until almost noon the next day. I must have been tired, because I hadn’t moved an inch in my sleep and, luckily, did not dream. I woke up to find myself still lying flat on my back with my arms stretched out.

The first thing I heard was my mom and nana arguing about something that probably doesn’t matter much. Instead of staying here to endure a day of yelling, I stood up, shaking off the vertigo, and began to pack my things for Kylee’s house. I packed a week’s worth of clothes, planning to stay there for quite a while. By the time I had everything in my overnight bag, the yelling had ceased. I knew that mom had an appointment with her therapist and my nana had a lunch date with her friend Mary-Jane. I was alone.

I awkwardly sniffed myself to see if I needed a shower. Shrugging, I thought to myself that I should be fine until I get up to the mountain. I could shower tonight. I pulled a Marilyn Manson T-shirt out of my closet and my leather pants. As I was putting on my bottoms, I caught a glimpse of myself in my vanity mirror. I looked just as sickly as ever.

I slipped on my old, dirty Converse, came out of my bedroom, and set by bag down on the couch and went for the fridge. I opened it in hopes that I would find something I might be able to stomach. Pre-bottled smoothie and some left-overs. Nothing that I could eat and everything that nauseated me. I shut the refrigerator door and went to take a seat on the couch.

My dog, Earl, jumped up beside me and curled into a little ball, resting his chin on my thigh. He looked up at me with his sad brown eyes. Earl was really the only one who knew when there was something wrong with me, but I think that’s a dog thing.  I scratched behind his ear and sighed, mentally preparing myself to drive. I was always told that driving in a bad mental state is just as bad as driving drunk. If that’s the case, I should probably be being treated for alcohol poisoning.

I could hear the soft pitter-patter of rain on the roof. It’s probably going to start snowing in the mountains soon then. I thought to myself that I better get going then. With what little strength my frail body could muster, I pushed my dog off of me and stood up from my place on the couch.

I grabbed my bag and my lanyard with my keys on it and started walking slowly towards the door. Pulling on a white jacket, I zipped it and pulled up the hood. I reached for the doorknob and turned it and opened the door, looking down at my shoes. Taking my first step out onto the porch, I noticed that there was something blocking my path as I ran into it. Slightly startled, I whipped my head up and made direct eye contact with a familiar set of chestnut brown eyes that I had been trying to forget. I heard his voice, faint as the ghosts of my past, state my name.

In this moment that we were so close that I could feel his body heat, warming my cold frame, I lost my ability to breathe and speak. The quickest that my hopelessly confused mind could react, I quickly stepped back inside and slammed the door, leaning against it with my back and sliding down. I rested my head on my knees, tears rolling.