|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|Dear Aiden Sequel|

|Self-Conclusion|Justin Bieber|8|

Here it is! The long awaited 8th chapter. Now aren't you glad I found my flash drive?

I brought myself to take a shower and brush my hair. It seemed as though I was attempting to wash Justin from my mind. The smell of his hair still lingered all around me though he was far away. I found myself curled up in the old arm chair in front of Grandpa’s out dated television set, watching the news.  The reporter spoke of mobs at Macy’s and someone using pepper spray to get to the front of a line. Though nothing could shake the sick feeling that overcame me. Again, I had no appetite. And, again, I felt at a loss for words. Confused at best. Even regretting that I had made him leave when he was so willing to stay longer.

No. Why would I want him to stay around? So that I could continue to choke on all the “almosts”? Resentment and anger. It haunts me. Always waiting just over my shoulder to keep me running away from the solutions.  I will always run. Because I am, at heart, afraid. I feel strangely comfortable this way. Though the pain stings like a fresh burn, it’s, to me, like a feel good pain. It reminds me that I’m still alive and will continue living. When that pain is gone, I’m sure it will be because I’m dead.

Rosie, all though she was frustrated with me, understood why I sent him away. She tried to console me, and even praised me for trying, but I only stared out the window, vaguely listening.  She eventually got up and left, taking Autumn home and leaving me alone in Grandpa’s house. Though I would have rather stayed and wasted away in the chair, I stood up and decided it was time to go home. Taking my keys and putting on my jacket, I walked out the front door of the warm house into the bitter winter chill, my wet hair slightly frosting at the tips.

I hurried to my car and got in, starting the heater quickly as I backed out of the long drive way and drove up the hill. The roads were bordered by piles upon piles of snow and ice and the sky was a sickly shade of grey. Because of the weather, traffic was non-existent.  The world would rather stay inside where it’s warm and watch Christmas movies with their families. My family wasn’t even home whenever I pulled up.

I let myself into the dark house, my dog jumping on me as soon as I opened the door. I smiled slightly at him as he looked up at me with his big brown eyes, wagging his tail. My stomach growled, but I didn’t have the strength or appetite to eat. I just wanted to sit in the silence of the dark living room until my mom and nana arrived home, which should be soon for it is about the time when the sun would be setting, though you wouldn’t be able to tell from the overcast.

The house was so quiet and still that it was almost unsettling. However, the silence was everything keeping me sane as it was as though it was covering my ears and shielding my eyes from everything that was bothering me or threatening to unhinge my sanity. I laid down on the couch in the dark living room, staring up at the ceiling with its 70s style white and yellow stripes. My dog laid down on the floor at the foot of the couch and let out a slight sigh. I let out a quite huff and put my hand down to put his back and thought to myself, “that’s exactly how I feel.”

30 minutes, maybe an hour, passed before the sun went completely down and I heard the sound of the gravel in the yard being rustled by the wheels of a car. My mother and nana were home, but I wasn’t prepared to face that as I was sure someone had told them what had happened and that they were just aching for answers.  Especially my mom.

Instead of facing them, I walked out the back door, closing it quietly behind me. The bitter cold air nipped at my nose and I climbed up on the wooden hand rail to the stairs that led up to the door and pulled myself up onto the roof of our house. By now, the clouds had cleared and I could clearly see the stars. I laid down, staring up at the sky and wondering how long it might take for my mom and nana to go to bed.  The wind rustled the fallen leaves that lay scattered on the ground.