Right in Front of You

36. Donnie and Cecily

Kyle had been right, but Kay was already used to that. She'd been fake angry at him and managed to avoid getting grounded. Unfortunately, Kyle's word held little weight with her mother, so the embarrassing doctor's appointment still happened. It had been the most mortifying moment of her life. She couldn't wait to turn eighteen in a couple of months. Then maybe she could run away from home all together.

She and Kyle had agreed not to speak for a while to make sure her parents weren't listening in, so they stuck to texting over winter break. Kay hated it because she really missed hearing his voice, but it was better than nothing. He even managed to sneak her a Christmas present using Kelly, namely his iPod filled with music. He'd pointed out that the present was the music. He actually wanted the iPod back.

So over the course of two weeks, Kay spent most of her time in her room, listening to the playlists he'd made for her and thinking about who she was.

After two days and probably thousands of texts between her and Kyle and sometimes Kelly, Kay finally convinced herself that her mother was wrong. Who she was now felt too real, too genuine to be a mask or a coping mechanism. If anything, she felt like she broke the walls around her and was finally free to fly and reach her dreams. So, in the end, who cared if it was real or not? It felt real and that was all that counted.

Plus, there was the matter of Kyle saying he wanted to be with her. She still had no idea what he'd meant and hadn't dared ask, but the thought that he might have meant it another way fueled her in unexpected ways.

With her confidence back and hopefully there to stay, she focused on the one thing she'd been avoiding for months. Donnie. She was finally recovered enough to try and look at her relationship with an objective eye. So she did. She unlocked the door which held all their memories and started dissecting everything.

Their friendship had been genuine and fun, their puppy love cute and warm, but the more they grew, the more they fell apart. They'd never had common interests.

Donnie was all about sports, parties, dares and games. Kay liked to read and watch movies that weren't necessarily action blockbusters. They didn't like the same music, same food or had the same opinion about politics, art and religion. The more she thought about it, the more Kay wondered how they'd lasted so long.

Donnie was fun. Yes, before the whole drug thing, he used to take her to the strangest places for dates. Like ranches, to help out, amusement parks where he'd win her stuffed toys, go-karting, rock climbing... She had fun with him.

Her chest tightened at the memories, as she pictured Donnie's face and how he'd hold her hand and talk about their future. Business school, good jobs, two kids and a house in the suburbs.

She's not made for this suburban bullshit.

What had Kyle seen in her that made him think she was destined for greatness? And the thought of Kyle pulled her out from her melancholy-filled bucket. She no longer wanted that. Business school sounded like hell on earth. She liked chemistry and English, mechanics and music, fighting and shooting.

Her future with Donnie had changed dramatically. It no longer existed. It had died the moment he'd cheated on her a year ago. She should've seen the signs then and prevented another year filled with resent, nagging, fights and public embarrassment. Their relationship had been doomed before Donnie started doing drugs.

She'd never actually felt attracted to him, hadn't really wanted to get intimate, finding excuses to get away from him. Kyle had been right. That wasn't normal.

And finally, she had her answer. They were done and there was no going back. The thought made her feel strangely free. She could now be the bigger person and actually call to see how he was. Because now that her love for him had morphed into general compassion, she realized she didn't want him out of her life. He was her oldest friend and they shared a lifetime of memories. She wanted to stay friends.