Ang Lexicon ni Alexi para kay Alex

pick-up line

pick-up line

noun

: pamasahe ako at ikaw naman gasolina

"So kapag may kinilig, lilibre mo ko, ha? Maghanda ka na, Jamaican patties gusto ko!"

Nung nagpaulan ang Diyos ng confidence, sinalo mo na lahat kaya walang natira sa'kin. Pero okay lang, hinayaan lang kita. I nodded before I blew a bubble out of this gum. I was trying to concentrate on making a huge one dahil goal kong maging kasing laki 'yon ng mukha mo (oo, sa'yo, kasi mas malaki yung iyo kesa akin— literally), pero peste pinutok mo naman.

"Kadiri!" My gum got stuck on your finger. To my horror, you pulled that thing out of my mouth and toyed it on your fingers not even minding my saliva and all of those gross shit— it was a disgusting sight. (But to be frank, pervy alter ego was amused— she thought that there's this french kiss going on in your fingers and it's romantic in a gross kind of way. Nevermind.)

"O, game. We go huntssss for the pretty girlsessssss!" It was a nice Gollum impersonation. Tapos nagbiro ka na kakainin mo yung bubble gum.

Ugh. Alex.

I mentally stabbed my pervy alter ego. She needs to die.

Girl#1: Athletic girl in Handball class

"Nice game, Kesh!" Nakipag-apir ka kay Kesh, panalo na naman kasi sila. I took her Coleman and gave it to you. Tapos inabot mo naman yun sa kanya.

"Uy thanks, Alex!" She wiped her sweat with the back of her hand. Kahit pawis siya, mas mukha pa rin siyang fresh kesa sa'kin. Wala talagang hustisya.

"No prob," Sabi mo sa kanya. "Pagod na pagod ka na, 'no?"

"Oo! Grabe! Sa'kin lagi napupunta yung bola kanina!" Nagkamot siya ng ilong. Mas maganda pa rin siyang titigan na nagkakamot kesa sa tignan ako na naka-pose at nakangiti.

While Kesh was drinking water, I couldn't help but think she's the perfect commercial model for Coleman.

"Oo nga e, uhmm.. tapos kanina ka pa rin tumatakbo sa isip ko, malamang pagod ka na."

The next thing I knew, water and Kesh's saliva was all over your face.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Kinuha niya yung twalya niya at pinunas sa mukha mo. "Ikaw kasi eh! Gago ka talaga, Alex! Yan tuloy! Okay ka lang?"

"I'm fine. Thank you. How about you?" You said in a monotonous voice.

"Korni mo kasi eh," She shook her head in disappointment. "Buti wala boyfriend ko dito. Baka binugbog ka nu'n!"

Verdict: Fail

Girl#2: Pretty AB student sitting in front of the library

"Hi ate," You greeted her. "Pwedeng makitabi?"

"Sure!" She flashed her lovely toothpaste commercial-like smile. Na-cute-an siya sa'yo! Bakit ko nasabi? Just a girl's instinct a.k.a. na-feel ko lang.

Then you sat approximately 3 feet away from her. Mukha siyang nagtaka. I literally saw the words "Sabi niya tatabi siya pero ba't anlayo niya?" written on her face.

"Ayoko na palang tumabi sa'yo, Miss," sabi mo sa kanya. You looked very serious. Kala mo test paper yung kausap mo.

She frowned, obviously annoyed and confused at the same time.