Falling For You // M.H. //

//13//

I know u all probably hate me by now. But i want to make it up to you.

Naomi

My mind was a blur, literally. I had no idea what was the trip and what was real anymore. I didn't even know if Matty being here was real. Or if my fuc.ked up imagination put him here. All I knew was I felt warm, comforted, and safe. Feelings I never thought I would have about him right now. I hated where everything had gone, I hated myself, I hated my life, I hated Matty, I hated Alex. I fell down the rabbit hole and I was surely lost in wonderland.

"M-Matty." My dry lips spoke, I watched as he in slow motion peered his eyes toward mine.

"What's wrong? Am I crushing you?" He said while he quickly moved his weight off my body.

I shook my head, "Are you...real?" I asked stupidly, only imagining what I fool I looked like. I saw his lips pull into a smile, something I knew he hadn't done in a while.

"Unfortunately yes, I am real." I watched as my fingers ran across his face, I could feel the warmth of his skin. He was really here.

"I am so sorry, I fuc.ked up." I said trying to sit up in bed. Matty followed my movement exactly in-sync with me. "I trusted him, and I was wrong. You were right this whole time." I began babbling all my thoughts into the dim room.

"Naomi, it's not your fault. Alex shouldn't have done this to you. He is the bad guy not you." I watched as his eyes grew insanely intense. Anger filled his iris and I felt his emotions flowing onto me,

"I messed up...I messed everything up." I said feeling my throat close up with heat. His hands trailed across my arm, a spark followed the tips of his fingers.  I pressed my body closer to his, my heart jumping up and down. As embarrassing as this was, I had not been with anyone else since we broke up.

"Naomi..." He breathed cautiously, "I know you're still high...I know you don't mean any of this." He spoke holding onto my eyes in hopes I registered what he was saying. And I did, every little thing that happened I was very well aware.

"Matty...I-I need you," Finally admitting the truth. Tears welled up in my eyes as all my true emotions felt they were boiling to the top of me. "Every day that passed I missed you, and I knew you were drowning yourself in the past. I know you were with other women, I know you've been drinking, and I know you've been using." I spilled allowing the tears to fall freely. He too had tears dribbling down his cheeks. One look in his eyes and it was all true, I knew it all along. But I do not blame him.

"I'm sorry I've done all these things to you...I can't say I've been faithful, but only because I know I never deserved you. And I still don't. I'm not proud of myself, and you don't have to be proud of me. But you need to know that I never stopped thinking of you, never stopped missing you, and I never stopped loving you."

I watched as his brows furrowed into embarrassment, but my heart filled with relief that he still felt the same way about me. I didn't care, I just needed him back in my life. Without him I'm a fuc.king heroin using pri.ck.

"I don't blame you, and I'm not upset with you. Matty all that matters to me is having you back." I breathed into the room watching him pull me into his lap. We moved so slowly, with such caution. But every movement felt normal and right, it all felt like it was meant to be. Comfort oozed into my body as his arms wrapped around me, nostalgia waved into the room as I remembered when we unofficially lived together. The romantic nights we shared, the silly young puppy love nights we had, and the best friend roommate nights. Sleeping away from him, being away from him made life feel bland. I was happy to come home, now it just felt like walls closing me in.

"Naomi, we don't have to do anything...I don't want you to feel like you've been taking advantage of. Especially by me." Matty said as his hand held onto my waist so tightly. I knew he was holding back, because I was too. I knew we were both terrified to do this again. We both didn't want to get hurt, but we were hurting so much already.

"Matty...I may be high as sh.it right now but I've always felt this way about you. Pretending to be fine without you is awful and a big lie. I want you. I need you." With no more confirmation Mattys hands returned to their home, placed ever so softly on my face. His eyes washed over my face, examining every inch of me. And I was doing the same, watching his yes flicker back and forth, his tongue licking his soft lips, the feel of his rough hands touching me.

"You're as beautiful as the day you broke my heart." He whispered trailing his thumb across my lips,

"You're never going to let that go are you?" I said trying to joke around to calm my bubbling nerves

"Just like I'm never letting you go." He declared, a smile fell on my face. Always so sappy. The world felt silent as these moments passed, nothing could break this moment. Except for the feel of Mattys lips grazing mine, the electric shock pulsed through me from the lips down. My eyes began to shut as I knew his lips were coming closer to mine, and in a few seconds I was filled with bliss. My whole body was on fire as our lips crashed together harder than waves in the ocean. Our hand intertwined holding on for dear life as we drowned in one another, I was alive. His soft lips dancing with mine brought me back to reality and I missed him. The feel of him was new yet the same comfort as before, and I was in heaven.

"I love you." We both said simultaneously Our eyes locked on each other, my body was bursting with fireworks, it felt like that literally.

"I love you." He said

"I love you." I repeated. We held onto each other even tighter not letting go for one moment.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii