OF THE LIKE

XI. A MESSED UP TRAIN OF THOUGHT

love someone else. i know that it isn't easy, it never is, but do it anyways. you always seem to find a way, and i'm begging you to do it again. maybe this can be the last time. maybe without me there will be no more worries.

love someone more than me. love a god. i know you are capable and deserving of both. it's only fair to you. let me go. it might be the hardest thing you've ever done and had to do, but do it. do it doitdoit because i'm the worst there is, a representation for every villainous trait and act out there.

i dream each and every night. a story is always waiting for me when i shut my eyes. it plays like a movie, sometimes sepia, sometimes grayscale, sometimes with color everywhere. but it doesn't matter because each time i dream, it's a nightmare, or something with a sad, gruesome twist. it's funny, how we have a word for the bad ones: nightmare. it's easy, right? but what are the good ones called? dreams? but no, they both are. so are the good ones not good enough? that wouldn't make sense, now would it? they are called the good ones after all. but are they not special enough? why do we always glamorize the painful, terrible, horrible ones?

i dream the bad ones. each and every night.

you're always in them.

isn't that funny? i think everything is, really.

so why aren't you laughing yet?

- A MESSED UP TRAIN OF THOUGHT [ALTERNATIVELY NAMED: I THINK IT'S MORE A ROLLERCOASTER THAN A TRAIN, DON'T YOU? - 9.29.16]