drown (joshler)

part six

josh sat the waiting room nervously bouncing his knees. it was 2:34 AM, tyler was asleep. the whole hospital seemed to stop at around 2:30 AM, but that didn't mean josh stopped. he hadn't gotten more than a consecutive hour of rest in god who knows how long.
josh was considering going to his motel before he heard whispering coming from hall 3000.
"josh," the voice whispered from down the hall. josh stood up. "josh!" it was tyler.
josh rushed down the hall and slid into room 3009 to find tyler sitting up in his shitty bed.
"i need to get out of here." tyler simply stated.
"what..." josh paused, not knowing what to say. "what do you mean?"
"i mean," tyler said, wincing as he tried to sit up more. "take me somewhere. i know there's a balcony on the fifth floor. take me there."
"you can't walk." josh said nervously.
tyler pointed to the wheelchair in the corner of the room.
"oh." josh said, walking over to the folded up wheelchair.
josh helped tyler get into his wheelchair one limb at a time. it was a little awkward and clumsy, but successful. he wheeled tyler down the hall and to the elevator.
once they reached the fifth floor, the balcony was directly in view from the elevator. it was a balcony with three tables and two chairs to each table, with just enough room in between tables for tyler's wheelchair. they sat down and looked at the depressing and run down city before them.
tyler looked at josh with his sad and tired eyes. "do you have anything on you," he said, lifting an arm onto the table. "that i can take?"
"what," josh was confused. "what do you mean?"
"drugs," tyler said strongly, to the point. "drugs, alcohol, anything. anything to distract me from this."
josh fished around his pocket and found nothing, but he did have three homemade joints in his pocket. he handed one to tyler and put one in his mouth. he lit them both and took the first puff.
"thank you." tyler breathed with a puff of his joint.
"no problem," josh breathed back. "can i ask you what you meant when you said to distract you from 'this'?"
tyler took his joint of his mouth. "what do you mean?"
josh moved his chair closer. "you said that you wanted something to distract you from 'this'," he paused. "what is 'this'?"
"oh," tyler said, tapping his joint on the edge of the table. "i mean..." he paused to wave his hands around in the air. "this. everything around me. my mind, this hospital, everything." he stopped to take one final hit of his joint before flinging it off the edge of the balcony. "weed doesn't really do shit for me anymore, though."
"i'm sorry." josh said.
"don't be," tyler said, more lethargic than before. it was getting to the point where even tyler needed to get at least an hour of sleep and so did josh. "none of this is your fault."
"i know," said josh. "but i still feel bad. you don't deserve to want to forget your mind," he paused, looking down. "or anything that has happened in the past couple of months for you."
"what did the nurses tell you?"
"well," josh scratched the back of his neck. "they told me that you tried to kill yourself four times in three months, pretty much."
tyler scoffed. "that's the tip of the iceberg, my friend."
josh flicked his joint of the side of the balcony. "what do you mean," josh asked. "if you don't mind sharing." he added
"i don't," tyler said, tipping his head back and revealing his neck dabbled with sweat and the sight of it made josh look away like it was something obscene. "last year, my son of a bitch dad left my mom. it was a good thing cause there was no one around to harass me and my older brother and mom, but it left us in detroit with no money and no job just like half of this fucking city. it hit my mom the hardest, she started drinking more and hitting harder drugs and sometimes i wouldn't see her for a week at a time. that's the second person that's abandoned me in my family. then, my older brother had enough. he packed his things and drove to somewhere in virginia to start a 'new life'. third person to leave." he ran his thin hand through his chocolate hair. "but i know there's no way escaping. there's no true way to get away from this shithole." he sighed. "anyway, after he left i was pretty much completely alone. i went to school maybe three times a week, started picking up hardcore drugs and alcohols, and drove myself into a rut of self pity, depression, and all around mental and emotional hell. i stopped eating, i stopped going to school completely. i found and still find no real fuckin' purpose for me to be here on this very earth in this shithole city, so i tried taking as many drugs as possible at once. i OD'ed, but the 'crackhouse' i was at called 911 before i could die. two weeks later, i tried hanging myself. passed out and mom called 911, no luck. three days after i got out of the hospital, i slit my wrists." tyler held up his bony wrists to show two large, long, ugly scars that ran the length of his entire forearm. "i was for sure i was going to die that time, but still 'no luck.' and last week, i jumped off the bridge on main and haron lane and tried to drown myself. too bad i picked a public place to do so, because people came rushing to my aid like a bunch of prince fucking charmings." tyler sighed. josh didn't say anything for a long time.
"i'm sorry tyler." josh said, putting his hand on tyler's shoulder. tyler tilted his head down so it was resting on josh's hand.
"it's okay," tyler mumbled, falling asleep. "can you take me back to my room?"
"yea."

they fell asleep in each other's embrace in a shitty hospital bed.