drown (joshler)

part twenty

tyler came out of his checkup surgery, and he was pretty weak. his chemotherapy had taken most of the joy and energy out of him; he stopped writing, he ate only once a day, and he cried a lot. at first josh assumed it was the chemotherapy, but he cried almost every night and every time he woke up, even when josh held him.

josh wanted to stay in bed all day with him, he really did. but since josh never really left that hospital, he decided he might as well work there. he got the job for a secretary at the front desk. his "interview" was short lived, nurse jack basically told him what he'd been doing and the only "experience" he needed was to be able to use a late 90's desk computer.

josh couldn't wait until tyler and him were out of there. josh wanted to take tyler where he always wanted to go, and that was upstate new york, weird as it seems. he wanted to live in syracuse or buffalo, they had beautiful cities and extensive suburbs. josh wanted to enjoy a semi modern apartment downtown with tyler, he wanted to work at the coffee shot downstairs, he wanted to watch tyler write, he wanted to add a beat to tyler's poetry, he wanted-

he was daydreaming again.

he stared down at his keyboard and watched the people pass the large windows, stained blue and grey. water ran down the windows, rain heavy and beating down on the pedestrians.

josh was awoken by his trance by the phone trembling and screaming next to him. he picked it up.

"hello?"
"josh, you need to come up to room 3009 right away." nurse jack said into the phone. he sounded shaken.

before josh could ask what was going on, he heard screeching and crying from the other line.

tyler.

josh slammed his thumb down onto the number 3 on the elevator as his entire body shook. he knew this was going to go wrong somehow.

he raced across the waiting room on floor 3009, down the familiar narrow hallway of rooms 3000-3010. he swung open the heavy door to room 3009 and immediately hated what he saw.

tyler stood propped up against his bed. he was screaming, red hot tears streamed down his face as he screamed and screamed at nurse jack, who was trying to restrain him. his arms bled at the absence of his IV needles.

"tyler!" josh yelled as he rushed into the room. tyler spun around and looked at josh with wide eyes.

he fell quiet, frozen in time like a deer in the headlights. he looked down at his wrists and his blood stained gown, and silent tears fell from his eyes straight to the ground. he slowly got to his knees, then sat on the grown and held his knees to his chest. josh walked around the bed, and nurse jack moved out of his way to let josh step in.

tyler had his hands on the sides of his face, sheltering him from josh's view. josh knelt down and slid closer to tyler.

"tyler..." he said, reaching foreword.

tyler mumbled.

"what?"

"fucking kill me!" he hissed at josh as he turned around, revealing a wet and flushed face. "i don't want to be fucking alive anymore! fucking kill me!" he screeched at josh, grasping his shoulders and shaking josh, scaring him.

tyler fell apart, collapsing onto josh, leaning over and falling straight onto him. josh grabbed him, picking him up bridal style and placing him on the bed.

"joshua," nurse jack said, still standing by in the room. "are you okay?"

"i'm fine, it's tyler that need tending to." nurse ryan nodded and rushed over, cleaning and putting the needles back into tyler's thin arm.

josh sat down with a huff in his chair and watched tyler, unconscious.

"i need a better job."