drown (joshler)

part sixteen

josh watched tyler as he rested on his chest. it was always odd watching someone sleep after a breakdown. the peaceful vibe didn't quite match previous emotions.
tyler's cheeks were still wet from tears, so josh slowly got up in an effort to get tissues without waking him up. it was unsuccessful.
"what're you doing?" tyler asked, stirring and still half asleep.
"just getting tissues for you babe," he said, sitting back down and wiping tyler's eyes and cheeks as he sat up. "much better."
"thank you joshua."
"you're welcome tyler."
"josh," tyler said as they slid into bed. "what if... what if this never works out?"
"what do you mean?" josh said as he ran his hand through tyler's hair.
"what if i don't get better?" he said as tears started to well up again.
"hey, hey," josh said as he held the side of his face and wiped away tyler's tears with his thumb. "lets not think about that right now, okay?"
"okay." tyler said, moving closer to josh. "joshua?"
"yea ty?"
"i love you. a lot."
"i love you too," he said.
"a lot."

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the doctor hooked tyler to a new medicine, one that he'd never even heard of or bothered pronouncing. he'd get an hour's worth of a cool liquid rushing into his veins every day. it was supposed to help reduce the tumor before surgery. when the doctor hooked him up and started his first dosage, the liquid burned his skin, and tyler ripped off the IV needle and screamed. the doctor apologized and told him that he had to get used to it. all tyler wanted was josh. he wanted to lay in the back of a pickup truck and stargaze in josh's arms, he wanted to kiss him until his lips were numb, he wanted to sleep with josh holding him close.
but josh couldn't even go in tyler's room anymore without a paper mask on his mouth. tyler was basically in quarantine, and he hated it. he wasn't a test subject; he was a cancer patient. he was being treated like an alien.
before his diagnosis, josh had wheeled in the 90's TV and put on ET as a "hospital date night" in an attempt to make him feel better. they cuddled on the twin hospital bed and watched ET at 3:00 AM, and tyler loved it. it made him feel almost normal again, like he was a human being. but now? he related with ET. he related with the way he was treated as a disease itself instead of just having one.
tyler wanted to go back to his home planet, the only place he knew.
tyler wanted to die again.