part eighteen

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it was monday, around 5:30 AM. tyler had a bad night last night, he was completely bald and confined his head to josh's maroon beanie.

he called himself ugly, an ugly, emotional mess. josh tried to argue with him, to tell him that he was beautiful and that being bald wasn't going to change that (which was true), but tyler wasn't having it. tyler slept alone in his bed that night and josh slept in the uncomfortable waiting room chair.

josh was watching tyler sleep as he put up blue and red streamers (tyler's favorite colors) around the sad hospital room. his wrapped presents were sitting on the edge of his bed, and a stalk of celery with a '19' birthday candle in it sat on a plate next to a card. josh poured his heart and soul into that card and he was anxious for tyler to read it.

he had a bouquet of snapdragons (tyler's favorite flower) and cute mini balloons sitting on the bedside table, along with six mint chocolates (tyler's favorite candy) that cost way more than they should have. it was nearing 6 AM and tyler was beginning to stir. josh panicked as he made everything look as perfect as possible and took the gifts into his arms as he sat down in his chair.

tyler rubbed his eyes with his hands as he sat up. he looked at the streamers first, then the chocolates and the flowers, then josh. his face had overcome with joy as tears of happiness filled his eyes. he hadn't received a gesture like this before, not once in his life.

tyler laughed as josh wiped the tears off his cheeks. "it's okay," tyler said. "i'm crying because i'm happy."

"you are?" josh was genuinely surprised.

"absolutely," tyler said looking around. "i am confident in saying that this is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me." he laughed a real laugh when he saw the celery-cake. "this is wonderful, joshua."

"i'm so glad you like it," he said, turning around to pick up tyler's gifts. "i have gifts!"

tyler took them into his hands and looked up at josh. "you didn't have to get me these."

"nonsense," josh said. he gestured at the gifts. "open 'em up!"

josh sat at the end of tyler's bed as he opened his gifts. he opened the smallest one first, as josh told him to save the biggest one for last. josh got him all my sons by arthur miller. tyler smiled, ran his hands over the leather cover, and thanked josh.

he moved onto the middle package, which obviously contained clothing as it was soft and easy to open. the wrapping contained a baby blue sweater and a matching flower crown. tyler blushed hard and slipped on the sweater, which was a size too big, just how he had told josh he liked them. josh insisted that he put on the flower crown too, and it actually helped tyler with his insecurity about his baldness a bit.

finally, he moved onto the largest and heaviest package. he tore open the wrapping to find a large, black box. he opened it and inside was a dark oak ukelele, turned over so the engraved side was visible. it laid on top of a learner's book and a small tuner, as well as three picks, all marbled with red and black. tyler's eyes welled up as he ran his thin fingers over his engraved name, and up and down the back of the uke. he flipped it over to reveal the front, painted with silhouettes of flying birds scattered on the front. chills ran down tyler's spine as he absorbed the beauty of the instrument before him. he cried at its magnificence.

"what's wrong? do you not like it?" josh asked, stomach sinking. "i can bring it back if you want-"

"no," tyler interrupted, smiling as he wiped his tears."this is the best gift i have ever received from anyone, ever. i will never be able to thank you enough for getting me this."

josh moved so that he was sitting next to tyler and put his arm around his waist. "you don't have to do anything to repay me, tyler." he said, rubbing tyler's gown between his fore finger and his thumb. "having the gift of being able to call you mine is enough."

tyler laughed, and his face flushed with blood. he was beat red, blushing like he'd never before. josh noticed and smiled, pulling tyler's face into both of his hands.

"tyler robert joseph," he said, rubbing the elastic band on the flower crown. "i love you."

"i love you too," he said. he pointed to the celery and the card on the end of his bed. "can i open that?"

"yea," josh said, leaning up to grab the plate. he handed tyler the celery and he nibbled on the end while josh got the card. "do you want to read it?"

"can you read it to me?"

"yea." josh said nervously. he cleared his throat and opened the card.

"dear tyler,
today is your nineteenth birthday. i cannot express how proud of you i am. you're a beautiful, intelligent, funny kid and i'm thankful that i can call you my boyfriend. you've fought through stage two lung cancer, four suicide attempts, relentless abuse, and you're still here to write and sing and smile and make me the happiest man on the earth. today you said that you were ugly without your hair, so i got you this flower crown to compensate with your hair loss. i hope it helps. i got you this baby blue sweater because you always said how cold this hospital is and i know you love sweaters. you love to read, and you seemed so fond of the book all my sons by arthur miller, so i got it for you to read whenever you need to escape for a while. finally, your final gift, the ukelele. this ukelele is a piece of me, a piece of my compassion and utmost love for you to take wherever you may go to play my message of adoration for you. i hope you like it, you never said what kind of ukelele you used to play so i hope the dark oak fits. tyler robert joseph, i love you, and i hope you'll remember this day as one of your best.
i love you very much,
joshua."

tears filled both their eyes and josh played with tyler's hands.

"i love you too, joshua."

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