Weakness (Lukesse)

Upside Down, Inside Out

Jesse couldn't seem to do anything right, now, everything was upside down. Petra, was frustrated, Jesse didn't know what happened or why, all she knew was Petra only spoke to her out of necessity now, Her glares stung like salt in a cut, they used to be so close. Next, Axel turned on her, he just stopped being friendly. He wouldn't even talk to Jesse when he needed to, he asked Olivia to send the message and always referred to Jesse as "The Architect." Olivia was last. She, like Axle turned her back on Jesse without Rhyme or Reason. Using short phrases to get what she had to say across. As for Lukas, he was off exploring somewhere, Jesse couldn't wait for him to come back. He would never turn on her, not without good reason, he would never forget all the Order of the Stone had been through together, a least.... she hoped not.

Jesse climbed up her tree house ladder, about to push the trapdoor open then suddenly heard voices, Axel was laughing at a joke Petra had just finished telling, and Olivia was doing a mock impression of a zombie. Jesse felt herself explode with rage. It was her house, they didn't have any right to just barge in any time they wanted, especially not how they had been treating Jesse. She pushed the trapdoor open and yelled at them to leave, they did, but they acted as if they had done nothing wrong, nothing at all. Jesse collapsed, not remembering any of what she had just said. Why did she need to though? Unless someone was going to listen to her words they were not worth remembering. That was the problem with being famous like Jesse was. Everyone heard her, but few listened enough for what she said enough for it to become more than merely something Jesse the Architect said. 

Lukas returned home from adventuring a few days later. But he too turned a cold shoulder to Jesse. Speaking to her only when she had spoken first, and never more than necessary. Jesse found herself having to constantly ask for more details when Lukas merely answered "yes." To a open ended question. She gave up trying to talk to him after a few weeks, realizing it was hopeless. Jesse had so many questions, and she longed for answers, the more she thought about it the angrier she became. She hadn't done anything wrong not one thing and now this? It was almost better when they were fighting the witherstorm. Sure everyone struggled through, but they leaned on each other, Jesse kept everyone up, and everyone kept Jesse from falling. Now, without her friends Jesse felt like a house of stone, held up by a straw foundation. Ready to crash down at any second.

It had been two months since Jesse's world flipped over on itself. She forgot once, trying to talk to Petra in a normal way. The look Petra shot back at Jesse brought tears to her eyes, but she wouldn't give Petra the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Jesse slowly walked away, but as soon as she was sure Petra couldn't see her, she took off running. Dashing around trees Jesse ran until she collapsed, breathing heavily. She wished Ruben were here, he'd know what to do, he'd be happy to see her, he would be smiling, giving her a light in all the horrible darkness. This darkness where her emotions were all she could count on to still be there tomorrow, to make her heart ache when she remembered visiting Redstonia with Olivia. To make tears flood Jesse's eyes when her thoughts drifted to Axel, watching the chicken machine at endercon. Her emotions were there to make her long for the days when she and Petra had met Milo in Sky City. To make her crave the thrill of exploring uncharted lands with Lukas. That was the only thing that stayed the same. Her emotions were there everyday, making all of Jesse's thoughts ten times more heartbreaking. 

If Only it was possible to forget how to feel, but even normal memories could only be hidden. Something that is beyond our control cannot be left behind, it only follows.

That was the only thing Jesse could find on forgetting emotions in the entire library, and it told her the opposite of what she wanted to hear. Things were only getting worse, now none of her so called friends would talk to her, and became more and more ruthless with how they showed it. Even Lukas, who used to be the nicest of the group, glared at Jesse with the intensity of one of Petra's worst death stares. As for Petra, if looks could kill, Jesse would be dead twice every time she dared to look Petra in the eye. Sometimes Jesse would lock herself in her tree house, but the silence let her thoughts wander, they always found their way to memories of the past, before things had gone so wrong. Before everything turned to nothing.