Emotional Shorts

-=Confession=-

This is a confession that I'm struggling.. I'm happy this is an anonymous account or I would be having so many on my back.. Any way with out farther a do. My confession that I've been bottling...

Have you ever stayed up all night trying to sleep but not being able to. No even the calming breaths of your sleeping love could help? Even for the pain you cry all the while calling yourself weak and fragile while doing so... Telling yourself over and over what everyone wants you to act or how you should always act although your heart is hurting. People in your life are turning away. The one person who was there when you had no one else to take refuge in has now revealed how she really thinks of you.. While the one you love is hurting terribly and u just want to crawl into a hole and die slowly because it's your faults their sad because you can't make them happy!! You can't! No matter how hard you try! And when you try to look at the bright side of things and help them out of the dark they just ignore your helping hand because the have pride but you know deep down they are screaming the loudest they have ever screamed for you to save them. And when you give them to opportunity to grab your helping hand they just kick it aside as if you never mattered... As if they finally see you the way you used to believe you were like... And it kills u. You hold back harming yourself for them and bottle up your emotions so you can focus on their needs not yours.. Because in your mind... Your needs don't matter. Only him. And the things you don't give up are the things that have helped you through hardship and painful nights of debating whether life was worth it. Have you ever felt like you can't say anything no matter what. Even if your life depended on it and you fuckibg hate it!! It's what you despise most about yourself... Have you ever wished to be 6 again? The year before you started to feel sad. The year everything was fun and happy... The year before you felt alone and abandoned... The year before you became stressed and anxious on if you would change anything in this world. Even though you knew that you were merely just a speck upon a billions. That if you died the sun would still rise. The bugs would still do bug stuff... You were just worthless compared to everything... But the kid that made you happy when you had no one and that lover that made you feel like you were the only thing that mattered in the world. That if you died everything around him would crash and burn. And you wanted so badly to protect those two people but you fails... You failed so bad one hates you and thx other will do soon... Do you ever need someone to hug and tell everything to? But it can't be those two because something might backfire if you say the wrong word... Have you ever felt so broken that you kept wondering if you really knew what you were feeling. If you were really alive. If your thoughts were real and if you mind was as dark and blank as a black room... Because the last you know is true... You only know your happy when you witness others laughing and smiling... Idk. It was a stupid thing... No what. Just dint read this okay it was a bad idea...