Emotional Shorts

-=Seven=-

They promise to stay friends.

How can you stay just friends with someone who has taken a part of your life?

Someone who has seen you at your most vulnerable and admired you.

The people I've shared those intimate moments with may be many but they all hold something dear.

The first. You hold the match that ignited my fearlessness. You ignited a spark of confidence and gave me an experience that confirmed my sexual identity. It was meant to be fun and games. We held each other afterward but cried into each others arms when we realised what we had just done. The act of betrayal we had committed.

The second. We explored boundries and tried many new things. We tested the limits, and maybe each other. The water was warm but every bath goes cold when it's not tended to. Forceful and urgent but painful. We were unkind to one another, forced and dismissive. Abusive to each other. We hurt each other. Mental scars leave more of a reminder than physical.

The third. You were my confidante, the one I'd run too and just spill my heart too. An attempt to cheer each other up at the late hours of the night, turned into a public risk. It was caring and kind, but we still tried to keep it secretive. However, drunken boys tell truths. Our friendship never faded, but the tension did.

The fourth. You and I are still so very close, but I still put your opinion of me above all else. I love the adventure, but the tension created unease that we still are yet to resolve. Thank you for staying to support, but I hate myself for shoving it in your face. Let's hope the tension doesn't build and the friendship strengthens. For I miss your approval. I miss the playful teasing. It was toxic, I'm aware, but it sparked my smile.

The fifth. We never really matched. Our energies were too similar yet so very different. You taught me that not all things can go back to normal. You gave me a glimpse of normal and I realised I wasn't ready to leave my shell of strange yet.

The sixth. I don't know what I really expected from you. I had been warned. I had been told. But something about you made my body shiver and my heart stop. I don't know what it was, but you made me feel like a happy little kid. They said you'd leave me in pieces to pick up, but I honestly treasure the pieces you left me. The goofiness that I've never witnessed you share to others is now a silent agreement to not share. We dont talk anymore. You've gone back to the stereotype they called you. I thought we agreed those labels shouldn't define our actions.

The seventh. I feel you hold a larger peice of me within you. A single straying look and I'm yours. A longing gaze and my heart aches. I miss the compassion and respect of those hours. You make me melt without trying. Your touch ignite my stomach into fireflies but I have to snuff them out. For I'm not allowed to enjoy your after care embrace anymore. My unhealthy lifestyle was what drove a wedge between us. The pressure of those around us hammered on that wedge and our inconclusive answers forced the crack to shatter apart.

All of you protected my vulnerability at least once. All of you will forever have fragments of my broken soul. All of you have a soft spot in my life. I'll crumple at all your calls.