reality of love

15

(A month after the filming of the music video)

The music video has been released for a day now. There was this scene where Elliott and I were dancing at a grassy area and Cole came "to get me back," as I was his "Old love." Which I am, but no one knows that there, except for me and Cole. He was running to us, with white and red roses and a guitar. He went to me and pulled me away from Elliott, Elliott pushed Cole away and I ran away. This scene was basically them fighting for me, while I try to run away from them.

His fans, Cole's fans, kept on saying that Cole and I had so much connection that they thought it was real. I don't like that. That's the exact opposite of what I wanted. What I wanted was that me and Elliott was the one that had a lot of chemistry and Cole and I hated each other. Like in real life.

Also, the modelling and acting industries have been calling me. Telling me that I had amazing acting skills and that my body would be a great canvas for clothes. Eriq was right, it would open a lot of opportunities for me. But all of them weren't ballet. None of them were the things I wanted it to be.

Another update is that Estelle texted me something in french. "Je suis desolée," I asked her what it meant but she wouldn't tell me. I googled it and it said, "I'm sorry." I asked her what it meant and she said, "Tu le découvriras plus tard," which meant "You'll find out later." 

"You've got mail!" Elliott shouts from downstairs.

I jump out of bed and run downstairs. Excited of what it could be. I walk to the front door and pick up a letter. It was from Cole.

---

Hey Eden,

          You still haven't returned the box I gave you when you moved out. I really want it back finished, but I think you've forgot about it already. Also, I know you told me to never speak to you ever again, so I you are still reading this, please do continue.

          First of all, I went out more because of that night. Don't pretend you don't know what night I'm talking about, because I know you do know. That night made me realize that you had the chance to rip my heart away, and that scared me. It scared me to the point where I went back to alcohol. I used to be an alcoholic before I met you. Thinking that the numbing haze could distract me from the pain Fereleth caused me. Fereleth was my old girlfriend, my only girlfriend. It started out when we were fourteen. I moved into the neighborhood and we quickly became friends with each other. Friends turned to liking each other which ended up in us dating for four years. She ruined my life. My mom never liked her since she would've been classified as the bad kid in school. In those four years, my relationship with my mother went bad. We fought everyday until she left when I was eighteen to go with her sister. She ended up dying of breast cancer in the same year, so I never got to repair our relationship. Anyways, going back to Fereleth. I found out that she was cheating on me with her neighbor, let's call him Ken. Ken never knew that she had a boyfriend, so I was fine with him. But I found what she was doing, I was heartbroken, I turned to alcohol. Thinking that it would get rid of my sadness. It did for a while, until Ken noticed me and helped me. We're bestfriends now, even though he was the one that my girlfriend cheated on me with. Until this day, he still apologizes to me for it. But going back to that bitch, she basically scarred me for life. Thinking that if I fall in love with someone again, I'll end up being brokenhearted again. That was why I ended pushing you away. That was stupid of me, pushing you away because I was scared that you might do the same thing, when now, I know that you'd never be able to do that. I pushed you away because I loved you. I still do to this day.

          I'm sorry for bringing this up now, but I really needed to tell you this. I know that you're happily together with that guy, Elliott I think was his name. But I really still do deeply love you. I'm sorry for being a coward, for pushing you away for no reason except that I generalized every single girl on the planet. I was just too scared. Also, you might be thinking why didn't I just kicked you out of the house. Well it was because I didn't really want you to be gone. I didn't want myself to like you, so I pushed you away but at the same time, I still wanted to feel your presence. I was just super dumb and I'm sorry for hurting you.

          Anyway, going back to the topic. Please complete the box, I need it back finished.

                                        Thanks,

                                          Cole.

---

The box. I totally forgot about it. And everything he did before now makes sense. AND ALSO, HE STILL LOVE ME. But the box.

I stand up, after sitting down on the floor to read the letter and walk up the stairs. I open my closet and pull the box out of there. I place carefully on the floor and open it. It was a half finished painting of himself. It looked him three years ago from the picture in his room.

There's a note too, sitting on top of the unpainted part of the painting.

"This was my self portrait when I was at the lowest point of my life. I want the person I care the most to finish this painting. I hope the person reading this understands the things I've been going through."  That was what the note said. The portrait of him showed that he didn't get sleep for weeks, a cut on his lip, he also has a black eye so I guess he got into a fight before, his face was blank. Showing no emotion at all.

He cared for me the most. Fuck.

I sigh and put the cover back on the box. I'll do this when Elliott isn't here. I know he's gonna get jealous and mad at me if he sees me painting this. I put the box back in the closet and walked to the bed. I lay down and inhale deeply, trying to grasp the information I have been given.

He loves me.

He still cares about me.

Fereleth broke his heart.

He was an alcoholic.

He was and probably still is heart broken.

I was the reason why he went back to drinking. 

I was the reason why he went back to drinking.

I was the reason why he went back to drinking.

Me. Not Fereleth or anyone else. It was me.

I close my eyes, feeling the tears starting to form. I rub my eyes and laid on my side. I open my eyes and stared at the empty wall.

I was the reason why he went back to drinking.

And with that thought, the tears fall out from my eyes and I start to cry silently. Praying to anything that was up there to not let Elliott hear me crying.

He didn't, and I cried until I couldn't anymore. After my crying session, my eyes were burning. I went to sleep, I didn't eat my dinner. Elliott didn't even try to wake me up. But that was okay, cause I finally slept early in the night for once.

The morning after, Elliott was at the studio dancing. He left me a note saying, "I'm at the studio, be back at three. xx." I closed my eyes after reading the note from the bedside table and went back to sleep for a few more minutes.