reality of love

16

Elliott still isn't home. He's still at the studio with Estelle, practicing for a show they have. He texted me, saying that he'll be home at nine, so that gives me time to finish the painting Cole gave me.

I stand up and go outside our room and go to the storage room to get my paint and paint brushes. Once I got everything, I go back to our room and get the painting out of the closet. I lay it on the floor and thought of all of the things I could paint.

I could paint him regularly?

Or I can paint a metaphorical thing.

What if I do both? Yeah, I'll do both. 

I open the paint pots and stroke my hand with the paint brushes. I'm feeling quite anxious because I don't know what Cole will like or what he will hate. I don't know what he'll do to it after. Am I just wasting my time on something that won't even matter to him, or am I giving him something to hold onto until he forgets about me? Fuck it, I think to myself and start painting.

******

Dear Cole,

          You're an asshole, you know that right? I can't believe you said what you said. I hate you, that's a lie. I don't, I actually don't care about you anymore. No, that's a lie too. I still love you, even though I'm with Elliott, so I guess you are right about me being like Fereleth. I am technically cheating on Elliott by still having feelings for you, but my feelings for him is real.

          In regards of the painting, I have finished it. I hope you won't just throw it away 'cause I worked really hard on that one. I hope you like it. 

          I'm sorry for everything you've been through, and I'm sorry for how I made you feel. I never wanted that to happen, I'm sorry. Anyways, I have to finish writing this 'cause it's almost nine and Elliott's about to get back home.

Sincerely, Eden   

---

I wrote Cole a letter before closing the box after it was dry. I have to put it back in the closet 'cause Elliott's here now, and I don't want him to see it. I know you're not supposed to keep secrets in a relationship but this is an exception because this can ruin the relationship and is better kept as a secret.

"Love?!" Elliott shouts from downstairs.

"Yeah?" I shout back while I close the doors.

"Where are you?"

"In our room!" I reply.

I hear footsteps come up the stairs, I go out of the room and go Elliott who was standing on the top of the stairs. I give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"How was the practice?" I ask him.

"It was great," He answers, but something about seems off. His breath smelled of alcohol that was covered slightly with toothpaste. I know of this smell because of Cole when he started to drink again. "Eriq when home early so Estelle had to teach me the rest of the moves."

"Oh," I pause, "What happened?"

"His wife called him, his daughter Raissa gave birth to a little boy."

"Oh," I smile, "Let's video call him?"

"Nah, he must be sleepy now Eed."

That's strange, he normally always wants to call Eriq.

I frown, "Okay."

I walk down the stairs and go into the living room and Elliott follows. I sit on our couch and he sits next to me then cuddles me. We stay like this for a while until he ask me if I was hungry.

"No," I shake my head.

"Well, I am so I'm going to make myself some food."

I nod and continue to watch Supernatural on tv.

I don't know why I'm not hungry, normally I'm always hungry, especially when he's the one that's cooking. But now, I just don't feel like eating, I feel hungry but I don't have the will power to chew and swallow. Also, Elliott has been acting a little off these past few days. First of all his breath smelled like drowned out whiskey and he has been going to the studio more. I went there once with him after a month of practice and to be honest, he still didn't know how to do the moves. It wasn't simple, the moves weren't, but with his talent he should've picked it up after two weeks or so. Second of all, this girl named Mandy has been showing up more. She's apparently Estelle's sister but she has been flirting with Elliott, from what it looks like, Elliott has been liking the attention given. I am a bit concerned of him cheating on me, but come on, this is Elliott, he loves me. I think. Hopefully he does, I mean, he's the person I'm living with. Except from my aunt, once he's gone from my life I'll be dead. I don't wanna be dead, well not now that is. And hopefully never, I don't want my old self back.