I Bet I Can Make You Speak (Boyxboy)

Chapter Fifty-Two

(Riley's POV)

Luca got a text from Storm telling me he needed to go home since his therapist called and wants to see him since she's wont be able to next week. I'm outback in my tree house thinking about my family. Are my parents going to get a divorce? Michael would blame me if they do. I wouldn't blame him, either. I know it's my fault. I know I make they work harder than they should. All because I was born and they have to take care of me. I wasn't planned. I was an accident. Michael told me they were planning to abort me, but he stopped them. That's right, Michael stopped them. He thought it would be cool to have a little brother to play football with. I think he regrets it. I didn't turn out like he planned. I don't like sports very much. I'm more of an annoyance than a brother.

That's why it feels amazing to mean something to someone. I need to be here. Luca said it himself that I'm his hero. To be honest, Luca's mine. Luca has gone through so much and he's still fighting. He doesn't realize how much I look up to him for that. He's my hero and I wish he would accept that. He's helped through my family issues just like I help him with his mental issues. Before I met him, I didn't really have anybody. My friends didn't understand my problems, but Luca does. 

As sad as it makes me feel, Luca understands what it's like to unwanted. Yeah, I know that my family never said they didn't want me, except for Michael, but I know they get annoyed by me. I have ADHD and I know I can get annoying. I can talk for hours about random stuff and give my family a headache. I don't think I ever told Luca I suffer from a mental illness myself, but I don't really see it as a big deal. His are very serious. I don't have a very bad case of ADHD like some kids. I don't take medicine unless I absolutely have to, so I just keep it to myself. I sometimes have trouble in school and can't sit still or concentrate, but other than that I'm fine. 

My family has told me things that makes me scared to be myself. I probably overreact, but I can't help it.

"Riley, go away. I'm trying to study," Michael has said.

"Will you please go find something to do? I need to get thing paperwork done," Dad has said.

"You're giving me a headache with all your pointless rambling," Mom has said.

"Can you calm down? No one cares about your stupid movie," Michael has said. 

I don't try to talk to Michael anymore. I always shy away when I see dad doing his paperwork. I stopped talking to mom about stuff since I get carried away. I never tell anyone about a movie I've seen that I think they would like. I don't see how I'm even apart of my family when I can't be myself. 

That's why I always say I wish I was never born. I shouldn't, though. Luca's right because without me he wouldn't be here. Or, maybe he would. Maybe some other boy with the same intentions as me would have come along and saved him. I'm nothing special. Anyone could do what I'm doing for Luca. 

If Luca was here right now, he would've hit me for saying that. He hates it when I talk bad about myself, even if he's kind of hypocritical. He does it all the time, even if I tell him not to. Why should I listen when he doesn't?

It because he actually believes in his heart that he's a bad person. I know deep down that I'm a good person and needs to be here. Him on the other hand. . .he thinks be deserves all the bad stuff. That sickens me. It sickens me that his own uncle made him the way he is. It sickens me that his own uncle did sexual things to him. Now he's scared of sex. I don't blame him and I don't care that he can't have it, but he can't even hear a joke without having a panic attack.

Why am I sitting here moping about my problems when Luca has it way worse than me? My parents are fighting and might get a divorce, big whoop. I can't break down like I did in front of Luca again. I need to be there for him. He shouldn't have to worry about me. Luca needs to focus on himself. If we don't, then he might not be here for long. 

The fact that he told Joshua he wanted to did killed me inside. Thirteen year old kids should be hanging with friends and playing outside. Not hanging from a noose and playing with razors. That scares me. At any moment he could snap. If someone says or does the wrong thing, that may be his breaking point. 

I don't know if I have a breaking point. When I thought my parents were going to divorce I turned cold to everyone. Maybe that was it? Whatever, I just know that I need to watch out for Luca, even if it means forgetting about myself for awhile. 

I don't know what I would do if Luca actually died. Would I keep on living? Would I go with him? I don't know. I don't think I would have the guts to actually kill myself. I don't think I would have the guts to ever harm myself, either. I'm not going to lie, I've thought about it. I was in seventh grade when a couple of kids called me retarded and told me to kill myself. I never had a plan or anything, but I did think of what life would be like if I was dead. I was a lonely kid who had just moved to Frankview. But I then met my friends and the thought left my mind. Luca thinks about it so much that he doesn't even plan his future. 

I'm going to fix that. I'm going to make Luca love himself. I'm going to chase those bad thoughts away. I just need to get over my petty problems and think about him. I'm going to save Luca Miles even if it destroys me.

*So, you guys are probably like, "WHERE'S THE ACTION?! WHAT IS THIS?!" Well, this is about Riley. It shows Riley isn't so perfect himself and has a few flaws. It also shows that he loves Luca so much that he's forgetting about himself. If you have questions or are confused, comment or send me a message. Thanks for reading, guys! Don't forget to comment and vote! I love you all! <3*