*Shadow*
"Fine, I'll tell him. But what if he doesn't believe me? I'll never save him." I say in frustration and begin pacing the small space.
It was a shock to me when she had confronted me about my past. It was strange, and I never would have guessed that she was so clever.
She had approached me earlier today, while I was busy packing and singing to myself. "Shadow, you sing like an Angel." she had told me and I glanced up into her knowing gaze. I had giggled nervously. "Thanks! I've been practicing for a long time."
I had gushed, hoping that she wasn't onto me. She had swung her legs because they were hanging over the edge of the bed. "Stop the act Shadow. I know that you're from Heaven. It's clear to me." she says and I instantly freeze. How could she possibly know?
"I've seen Heaven. I glimpsed it when my baby brother had died. He was an Angel sent to earth, a gift to mama, just as I was." she tells me and I slump to the floor. I knew that she was angelic, but I never could have guessed. But I can see it now, how much of an Angel she truly is. An Angel sent to earth to give love, not for loving.
I take a deep breath and leave the room, trying to decide how to tell him the truth about me. He'll never believe me, not like Lilac and Drane did. They ha both figured it out by themselves. Lilac grips my hand and I look down into her beautiful amber eyes. "Sing." is all she tells me and I go to knock on Theo's bedroom door. He answers it and I gaze down at his bare feet. He has wonderful feet...just as perfect as the rest of him.
"What is it Shadow?" his voice is hard, and I am scared that his eyes reflect that same rage and hatred that is evident in his voice. "I need to talk to you. Without Lilac overhearing everything." I say and glance up at him from under my long eye lashes. "Okay, let's go for a walk then. I am sure She'll be fine here alone." he pushes past me and I scurry after him. He tells Lilac what we are doing and she only nods and tells us she'll just have a shower.
Theo pushes the front door open and I follow him out. The air is warm and I realize for the first time that Crimson City is much warmer than Lilac's farm house. He walks close beside me and I wrap my arms around myself tightly. I let my hair down, trying to hide myself slightly, hoping that there's a thick curtain between us. I hear him sigh as he stops, and he turns me to face him. "What did you need to talk about?" I swallow and struggle to get a proper lungful of air.
"I know that you won't believe me, but I really am here to save you. It's my way to get back home. I'm an Angel who was pushed from Heaven for breaking the only rule. I need to keep you alive so that I can go home. But I don't want to go home if it means losing you. I love you, Theo, and that's why I was sent here." I see how his facial expression changes and I am sure he's going to laugh in my face.
"I know about your past, how you and your mother were beaten by your father, how he raped and killed her, then you killed him. I know how that left you broken, barely living on the inside. You took up art to help sooth all that pain, but it never completely helped, so you began taking a sharp blade to your skin, and when that stopped helping, you found women. Never woman who didn't want you, because they all clearly wanted you. You tried to suffocate the misery and sorrow by having sex, but those woman could never comfort you long enough, and you kept going after more and more. Finally you realized that wasn't helping much anymore so you tried to kill yourself. Lulu was a saint because she loved you, even those times she found you. I don't know what happened to her, but I am sad that she's gone. But she wasn't the only one who's loved you truly. I do, Theo. I love you."
I stop to breathe and I feel the wet tracks drying on my face as the wind blows against my face. He stares at me and I don't know how he'll react to what I've just said. I know for a fact that no one knows of his past, and no one truly understands him. I reach for him and take his hand in mine. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the sparks there. Not the painful ones that I would typically feel if I had still been welcome in Heaven. No, these were sparks of something I do not comprehend completely.
"Please believe me Theo. You are my love, and I have fallen, destined to save you from death. I am faced with a hard choice. Save you and be sent home, losing you. Or I can stay and let you die, never to see you again. But Theo, you must understand that God doesn't work the way you think he does. I know that you want to be reborn into the life that every person deserves, but he won't allow that to happen. He'll force you into something you never dreamed of and I know that it will kill you slowly." he shakes his head at me and his cat eyes lock on my stormy ones "How do you know?" he demands of me, and i sigh.
"Because I have been there. I killed myself, hoping to be reborn into the life I had only ever dreamed of, but he chose to make me an Angel and tell me that there was only one rule; never love a mortal. After ten years, I had thought that I was immune to the human desire of love, but then I found you. I heard your painful cry, and I knew that I had loved you. It was why I showed myself to you, if only briefly. God found out, and because he is a twisted man, sent me down here to destroy my heart and save your life." I sob and he wraps his arms firmly around me. I cry breathlessly into his sweater, shaking with all the pain, sorrow, and rage I feel toward God. He had taken my chance at a good life away, and now he was taking my love away.
"Why did you kill yourself Shadow?" he asks and I feel as if I am going to be sick. I don't want to tell him about my past, my life before I was an Angel. That is a dark tunnel I do not wish to travel back down, a desperate darkness that has longed for the chance to engulf me once more. But when I look into his eyes, I am met with the beauty of his pure love, and I feel the darkness creeping toward me, but I will admit that it isn't as scary as it used to be. And with him holding me tightly in his arms, I decide that maybe it is time to tell of my past.
"I killed myself because my life consisted of three things; drugs, abuse, and rape."
