*Shadow*
I know that his words are truth, but I wish that they were not. When I am gone, he will surely be at his end, and Lilac will be left alone. She cannot fend for herself, and she should not have too. She is so young, so Heavenly, and yet she has been forced to live this dreadful life.
I look into his face and I hold tightly to his waist, not wanting to ever let go of him. "I am sorry that I will fail you either way. Heaven isn't where I long to be. I long to stay in your presence, to marry you, but I need to go back home. I need to save you."
My words bring tears to his eyes, and he weeps into my shoulder. I look down at the black fabric that I wear, the only colour allowed to those whom have fallen. I push away from him, and gaze into his blazing cat eyes.
"Tell me what it is I must do to completely make you believe. I must save you. I must. Please understand that I will deeply love you no matter where I end. But if I shall fail, I'll be without you, and if I am successful, I must leave here. Leave you and Lilac both behind."
I try my best to keep my eyes from watering, and I put on my mask of pure stone. I beg him with my soul to understand, and eventually, he sighs. "I know that you must do what is best for you. If I live and you leave, I will keep Lilac safe. I will give her a home."
I leave him and make my way to the washroom for a shower. I once again sing my eerie song and I let my sorrows wash away with the water. My destiny is to be without my dear, sweet Theo. I inhale, at a sudden loss of breath. That is when I realize that I have been holding it at the end of the song. I shake my head, trying to return to reality. There's a knock on the door and I quickly climb out and wrap a towel around myself. I go over to it, only to find little Lilac on the other side of the wooden door.
"Hey Lilac, what can I do for you?" she smiles up at me and turns around, backing slowly into the washroom. "You can get dressed first. I won't look. Mama never liked when I looked, and I never liked looking. But I wanted to ask what was happening with Mr. Theo. What will happen when you save him?' her small voice cracks and I am sure that she is crying. I quickly put on my blouse and jeans, and spin her around to take her into a warm embrace.
"Lilac, sweetie, you know that no matter what happens I love you, right?" I ask as I hold her to my chest. "Yes, but what will happen. Please don't keep this from me. What will happen when he is saved?" I sigh and sit on the edge of the tub, dreading telling her the truth, but as an Angel, and as a duty to this lovely girl, I cannot tell a lie. "I will return home. I'll be welcomed back to Heaven, and the 'holy one'," I say sarcastically, "will love me once more."
She pulls away from me and I reach out, but she swats my hand away. "Do not try to comfort me with nonsense and lies. If you save him, you will be gone, and I will be alone once more. You'll be loved and missed, but will you truly miss us? The small ones down here? The ones that you will never have to worry about again?" she sounds so judgemental and I do not know how to deal with the pain in her eyes. I have not seen pain this strong since I last looked in the mirror before I perished. Will this sweet innocent child's life be ended the way mine was? Torn apart by darkness and an evil greed that the society would not fight?
A society that did nothing about my death. Nothing but cover it up as an accident. No one but my step brother and my father knew what really happened, and neither of them truly cared. I would stare down upon my family, and no one mourned me. When I looked longingly upon the life with my friends, I saw such sorrow that my heart would reach out to all of them. But they all moved on, and some had died from things like cancer, or a ship going down. Some of them live till this day.
Lilac has left me alone in the steamy bathroom, and I stand, wiping away the tears that have left my eyes unwillingly. I shake my long hair into my face and move down the hall, but only after staring lovingly at Theo's razor. I remember fondly the sweet sting of the metal, and the intense sensation of warm blood seeping out of you, the mesmerizing thought of knowing that your life is draining away...
I stumble into the living room and land with a loud thump on the floor. Theo comes rushing into the room, and I stare at him for a second without blinking, without evening breathing. He goes to try and help me up, but I shake my head at him. I stand on my own and hide behind my hair. He pushes it out of my face and stares into my eyes. "Why are you acting so shy and reserved now? Was it something I said?"
I shake my head at him, hoping that he'll just go away and leave me to remember what my past was like, what every last thing that I loved would be like today. But a knock sounds at the door and my job calls me to take action. I open the front door of Theo's apartment, and I raise my hand to my mouth to stop my sharp intake of breath. There at the door stands my dear old friend, Johnny boy.
