Everglow

December 12, 2012: May Angels Lead You In (ii)

"Medyo maulan kasi nun, tapos nabangga yung kotse niya when the vehicle behind her attempted to overtake to beat the red light."

Maine looks at Richard's blank expression and noticed how his eyes looked lifeless, yet tears constantly fell from his eyes, staining his cheeks. He nods at her wordlessly and she decides he has heard enough. He was silently crying as she spoke, but she noticed his hands tightened his hold on hers my the second. With her free hand, she wipes away his tears.

******

After most of his extended family went home for the night, Maine helped Richard go back to his room. He had felt extremely weak from refusing to eat a substantial amount, and from all the crying he has done. He felt physically, mentally and emotionally tired, and wished everything would just go away.

Maine helped him plop down to his bed as she slowly propped up the pillows. "

"Maine, you don't have to do all of these things."

"I know." She smiles faintly at him, "But I want to.  I loved... and still love Tita Rose too."

"Pero you've started missing classes, hindi ka na nakakapag-aral. You look like you haven't slept nor eaten in days. Parang namatayan ka rin. Hindi mo kami kelangan asikasuhin, Maine. I don't want to be a burden."

Maine looks at him dumbfounded, her mouth slightly agape. "Richard, in case hindi mo narinig, mahal ko rin ang nanay mo. Kaya pasensya ka na kung mukha din akong namatayan." She looks at him still in disbelief, "And when did I ever make you feel like you and your family were a burden to me?!" Her tone was strained, her eyes were starting to glisten with what he feared were angry tears.

Fuck. What did I just say?!

Richard started to open his mouth to apologize,  but she continued, "Rj, I know you want to be strong for your sister and the rest of your family, pero sometimes, you have to accept the fact that there are things you shouldn't do alone. Minsan, kelangan mo rin ng tulong eh."

Her eyes suddenly start to soften, "I promised Tita Rose, Rj. Hindi kita iiwan, kahit anong mangyari. She made me promise never to let you do things alone." She started to rise up from the side of his bed, "Kaya sorry ka na lang, Richard, because even if you're too stubborn to ask for help, I will always be ready to give it. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

Maine turns her back against Richard and raises her hand to wipe away her tears.

Don't let him see you cry. Don't give him something more to be guilty about.

He needs someone to be strong for him, and I promised his mother that I'll try my hardest to be that person.

"I'll be back with your dinner, Rj." She starts to walk towards the door. Then she felt his hands hold on to her wrists.

Maine was frozen to her spot and remained silent. She refused to look back at Richard--she was adamant in not letting him see her crying. She felt his hold on her wrists loosen and heard the bed sheets shuffle.

She could feel him standing right behind her, yet he refused to speak. "Rj, ako na kukuha ng dinner mo, balikan na lang kita dito." She starts to walk away again, but then she felt his arms tightly wrap around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him so her back leaned against his chest. Richard rests his head on her shoulders, and she felt his tears stain her shirt.

"I'm so sorry Menggay. For saying those words. I'm so sorry." He cries harder, "I didn't mean any of them. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Maine brings her hands up and places them on Richard's, lightly tapping, "I know, Rj. I understand."