Everglow

October 18, 2016: Get Lost and then get found, or swallowed in the sea

After wordlessly breaking down in front of him, Maine has been aloof towards Carlo. She was constantly feigning sickness or her heavy workload. She has been repeatedly dodging his calls, making up excuses, all because she didn't want to answer his questions.

Are you okay?
Why did you cry?
Is something wrong?
Did I do anything?
What can I do to make it better?

She hated being unfair to Carlo. He had been nothing but this amazing pillar of strength for her. He had shown her a different side of love--where there was nothing left unsaid; where it was lighter, where it was easier; where they could just be together, no questions asked He had constantly showered her with love, and more importantly, he never failed to let her know.

But at the end of the day, even that could not make her happy.

And she knew it was because of Richard.

********

Maine was standing outside their building tinkering with her phone. She had been trying to get an Uber for the last five minutes--it's been months since she called it a day considerably earlier than the usual. And with all the emotions and longing she has been feeling, all she wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep it all off.

If only it was easy.

She had since wanted to go to Richard. After relentlessly denying her feelings for Richard, the moment she finally recognized her love for him felt both liberating and suffocating at the same time.

This is how it feels to finally realize you love someone who equally loves you, but by the twisted hands of fate, you can't be together.

She was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

She knew it was embarrassingly cowardly of her--how she seems to be hiding away from both of them, but she desperately needs space to breathe.

The last thing she wanted to do at that moment was to face either of them, and be compelled to make a choice she did not know how to make.

But it seems like fate had other plans.

"I hope you could still cancel that booking."

*********

They walked around the perimeter of the park near her office building. She noticed how uncharacteristically quiet he was being, his brows were furrowed as if in deep contemplation.

She just let him lead her to wherever his feet was supposedly taking him until they settled in quaint benches around the perimeter of the children's playground near her office building. He settles beside her quietly, leaving ample space between them.

Minutes had passed and yet he failed to utter a single word. He would occasionally run his hands through his hair or rub his hands together. Maine was worried about him-- she had never seen him look as fidgety as he does now.

He finally faced her and gave her a smile--it was the brightest she had seen him smile in a while. He took her hands and laid them out in front of her as he reached over his jacket pocket to fish something out. She couldn't deny the degree of relief she felt as he gingerly placed a crisp square envelope in her hands.

"What's this, Carlo? What's it for?"

"Let's break up."

"What do you mean?"

"I love you Nicomaine-- You were perfect, my dream girl. I'd do anything to make you happy. And if breaking up with you give you a little push towards happiness, I would do it in a heartbeat."

"What!?"

"Like I said, I'm giving you a free pass. I'm giving you an out."

"Ano bang sinsabi mo?"

"Kilala kita Maine, I know when something's wrong. And for a couple of weeks now, we both know how things aren't the same as they were."

"But.."

"Let me finish." Carlo's hand slightly trembles as he tucks her hair behind her ears, " I love you, Nicomaine. So damn much. When you love someone, their happiness always comes first."

She stares at him in disbelief--watching him as his eyes become glassy, his usually commanding voice cracks as he continued to speak. Maine definitely felt it; she felt how hard he was finding it to utter each and every single word. It may be the immense amount of guilt she was feeling, but his every syllable felt like a stab in the gut.

"We both know it has always been Richard. I may have made you happy, but I always knew I'd never be the person who you'd refuse to live without." He takes both of her hands in his, "But you're too good, Nicomaine. Too caring, too loving to even break up with me, kahit na hindi ako yung mahal mo, kahit hindi na kita napapasaya. Masyado kang mabait para iwanan ako, kasi you're that kind of person."

She never doubted that Carlo loved her, but she never imagined he could love her this much.

Love her so much to let her go.

"I knew you made the same mistake with Richard before, and you promised me you would never do the same again."

He finally lets go of her hands and stares at her with the saddest smile on his face. "I never want to make you feel guilty for being true to yourself, or for following your heart. So I'm breaking up with you, Nicomaine. I'm giving you an out."

They were silent for a while, and he asks, "Can I hold you for one last time?"

She nods at him earnestly, wiping away the tears she had only realized she shed and they embrace, "I tried to love you with everything I had, Carlo. I really did. And for a while I actually felt that way."

"I know, it's okay. I know you tried, and that's enough for me."

"You deserve someone better than me, you know? You deserve someone who will always choose you, no doubts, no questions asked."

*********

Nicomaine,

I have to admit, I wasn't completely surprised to see you suddenly crying the other. I knew something was wrong.

I've always felt it, how unsure you were of me, how there was still some part of yourself you were not willing to share with me, how there will always be a part of you I will never have. And I think we both know why.

But you never led me on--you told me from the start that it will be difficult, you told me at the get-go that you were in love with Richard. But you promised me that you would try, and you did. So I persevered, pursued you, I tried to replace Richard as best as I could. I wanted to be your knight in shining armor, Maine. I wanted to save you from your unrequited love. But I realize now that you don't save anyone from love. Never from love.

Don't worry about me--I don't regret a single thing. It will always be a privilege to be loved by you Nicomaine Mendoza.

I remember you asking me countless times if I was happy--you always made my happiness your first priority. And I was, Maine. I was happy with you. I hope that one day, you would choose your happiness too.

Love,

Carlo

***************

A/N: Oh ayan guys, wag na kayo magalit sakin. :)

Thank you for all the love you have been giving Everglow. We might be nearing the end, but this still surprises me each and every update. Last week, I noticed it reached its highest ranking ever, #10 in fanfiction! GRABE KAYO GUYS! Thank you forty-one million times. <3