everything is (not) okay

know her first.

before her, i didnt think love really existed. the idea of love i had was painful. all my life, those who've claimed they loved me had made me tear down my walls and open up to them, only for them to leave the mess they've created and move on to something greater the world has to offer them. that was my idea of love- leaving. 

i think thats why i was so scared to admit i loved her. i didnt want her to leave me. each time we would fight, or even disagree, id fear everything. for people have always left when things got even a little difficult. but she isnt people. shes just her and shes different.

i think love is a choice. however, i think falling in love isnt. i didnt choose to fall for her. im falling for her more and more every day and i cant get her out of my mind. i want her and everything to do with her from her attitude and bad days to her cheesy smiles and kisses in between lyrics on late night city car rides. her deep brown eyes that she hates but i love more than shell ever know and how i notice their changes with her mood. her 3am phone call serenades and her endless complaints about how long it takes me to get ready. how gorgeous she looks with her hair down. how i never know what to expect with her. 

she denies it when i tell her shes perfect. and i wont be naive- i know no one is actually perfect. i just dont get how it could get better than all of this, all of her. shed tell me how i deserved better, someone who could give me the world. but she is my world. shes my sun, my stars, my moon, shes my whole damn universe. if i have her, ill always have all ill ever need.