Writer Games: Monsters (FULL)

Semi Finalist; Nymphe Farriage

*Thea Rhine's Point of View*

It's odd when the life of a stranger becomes more important that your own life. This is of course, my situation now as I watch the plight of Lady Nymphe Farriage in the Games. Her life- and possibly death- has taken everything in my life and pushed it to the back of my mind.

I feel guilty.

At first I didn't know why, after all she did volunteer of her own will, but as the Games go on it becomes more and more clear to me. I have condemned someone to death. And there's no way I can take it back because it wasn't my choice. That's what makes it worse, the helplessness of the situation. There's  no way I could've prevented what happened but it was still my fault. And it's eating me alive.

"Thea! Thea please talk to me! You can't hide in the cupboard forever!" Mother raps her knuckles on the door of the kitchen cupboard that I've stowed myself away under but I just press harder against it so she can't force her way in.

Yes, I'm hiding in a kitchen cabinet. I'm hiding from the world and everyone and everything in it. My friends, who constantly ask me if I'm doing okay. My parents, who follow me with worried eyes as they see how much thinner I've gotten and remember my screams as they wake me up from nightmares that I can't remember when I wake. The Farriage's, who curse me as I devil child for causing their youngest daughter to enter the Games. This kitchen cupboard and the television that plays the Games in the District Center are my world for now. Maybe they always will be.

"Thea, you know this isn't helping her don't you? You know you can't help her, don't you? This is ridiculous sweetheart..." Mother shoves against the door and I almost laugh. There's no way she's getting through to me. With either her non-existent strength or her charmspeaking. I'm immune to it; it is what makes me a Siren after all.

Though Lady Nymphe was good at it. When I went to visit her after she volunteered for me, she was able to keep me calm with her voice. It was soothing. I wish I could do it that well but being twelve, I haven't had much time or reason for practice. Someday I'll be able to do that. I'll be beautiful and brave and strong and able to charm everyone with a smile and my voice, just like her. I'll be worthy of having someone give up their life for me because I'll be perfect. Though, as a Siren, I'm already pretty perfect.

I'm arrogant. That thought makes me realize that. I'm arrogant. Selfish. Concerned only with what affects me and nothing more. That is not admirable, it's disgusting. Would I be able to give up my life for a twelve year old girl whose name was called in a lottery that has sent too many children to their death? Would I be able to save someone's life even if it was surely going to get me killed? Would I be able to do what a strange stranger did for me that day?

No, I wouldn't.

The world feels even smaller than this cupboard now. Like its closing n on me. I'm wracked with guilt, it's eating me alive. Mother and Daddy have been trying to tell me that it's not my fault, that I have nothing to be guilty about. But I see the anxious faces of the Farriage's and the tears that glitter in some of their eyes and I can't help but let the guilt-monster gnaw at my heart.  It's all my fault.

If she hadn't been someone like me, I wouldn't feel so terrible. Not the whole looking alike thing, though we do have the same pale skin and hair and pretty smile, but who we are. Sirens. One grown, one still figuring everything out. But neither of us are the same as everyone else. We both are crushed by the simplest of blows. And we're both drowning under the weight of things we can't control. I think back to the moment when I pressed my favorite shard of sea glass into her hands when I said goodbye to her and tears well up in my eyes. It's on her necklace, the one that serves as her token. I don't get why she'd put it there but some part of me knows that it's because she's fighting for me, in my place. Lady Nymphe is fighting to the death so I can live.

Nothing I can do will ever repay that debt, except maybe watching the Games for hours. I can't go to sleep or to school or do anything that normal Thea would do until I'm sure she's okay. Her life hangs in the balance and every moment I can give her feels worth it. She saved my life and that's all there is to it. It's a bit sappy and a bit stupid but that's what I feel whenever I have to watch. That I'm doing it to repay her.

I finally open the cupboard door but I don't go to my mother, I go to my own room where I close the door behind me. Rummaging around, I find a pair of scissors much like the ones Lady Nymphe carries around with her in the Arena. I can do this. I can pay this debt.

Soon there's a cloud of golden curls floating around me. I run a hand through my now short hair and frown. She did this to herself out of sorrow and I think I'm doing the same. I know I'm doing the same. That's what makes it so important that I do it. I'm paying her back. I'll never really be able to but I can pretend, can't I?

"I'm so sorry..." I whisper as my eyes fill up with tears.

I will never be able to repay her.