Stuck with me

six - gotta get out tonight

Valerie
Getting comfortable around Billie was bad.
Getting comfortable around anyone is bad.
The more comfortable you get with a person, the more they're likely to leave, at least that's how it'd always ended up in my case.
I hadn't talked to Cam or Jasper since they told my dad I needed therapy. I'd barely even come out of my room since my blast towards my father and Angelica.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to puke. Everything was going downhill. I was all caught up in my thoughts, and that'd cause everything good to detonate. I could visualize everything getting destroyed; everything I valued and loved, and it pained me so hard that I have to be the way I am, but I couldn't change no matter how hard I tried. And believe me, I have tried.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and yell and pound my fists against the wall until they bled and bruised, but it was all in my head.
The periwinkle tinted walls of my bedroom were lit dimly by my lamp, and even though the only sound to be heard were the chirps of thousands of crickets outside, my head still pounded; I was still wide awake.
As the phone rang out of nowhere, I nearly jumped ten feet high, and picked it up shakily, still startled.
"Hello?" I asked bitterly.
"Valerie, it's me. Billie. Hey, you think you can, uh, come out tonight?"
"What the fuck are you even talking about?" I sighed.
"Just- man, come to the Longview house, willya? We're playing there. Can I count on you to come?"
I sighed, hesitating to answer, and glanced to the alarm clock on my bedside table.
1:53 a.m.
"I mean, sure... But why are you asking me a-"
"Thanks, see ya in a few!"
He hung up with a slam, and I held the phone away from my ear confused. I wondered if he was drunk, high, or just plain crazy.
Or all three.
I sighed and swapped out my silk tank top and lace underwear for jeans torn to shreds and a Generation X tee.
Yanking my hair out of its lose ponytail, I shoved some pillows under the blankets in case I wasn't back in time to get up and go to school.
Then, I opened my window as wide as I could and quietly slipped out, making sure to leave it cracked open so I could pull it up easier when I returned in the morning.
Typically, I'd probably be afraid to sneak out, but Dad and Angelica never left their bedroom. The thought normally made me sick, but tonight, I'll admit, it has quite the advantage.
The streets were cold and the pavement was still packed down with snow, making me almost regret sneaking out. But I knew it'd be better than me staying awake all night with my thoughts swimming around in my head like that.
The only reason I'd known where the Longview house was as was because it was behind the record store I go to all the time. Basically, it was this abandoned house where everyone holds parties, and nobody ever gets busted because it's private property apparently.
It was a fairly long walk, which I didn't mind. I just wondered why Billie called me so early.
Finally, i'd found my way there. Billie was in the midst of strumming his guitar when he ripped the strap off of him, threw it down, and bolted down to me.
"Billie, what th-"
He scooped me up in his arms, which, to my surprise, he was pretty strong (I weighed 160 pounds), and lifted me.
"Put me down!" I laughed, flailing around as he slung me over his shoulder. He climbed back up on the stage.
"Oh my god," I whined, "if you don't p-"
"Ladies and gentlemen," he announced. "This is Valerie, the girl that half of these songs are about."
He set me back down on my feet, the blood rising up to my cheeks. "Are you drunk, or just insane?"
A glint of excitement appeared in his bold green eyes.
"Both."
It came out in a whisper, and his mouth just barely turned upward, showing off a few of his jagged teeth.
"Bring her back to the floor," he said into the mic, and several hands started grabbing at me harshly.
"If any of you touch her the wrong way, I'm kicking all of your asses."
I kicked a few of them to get them to let me down, squirming away from their grip and becoming mesmerized by the shadow of his lean figure stretched across the stage.
"I'll go for miles, till I find you"
I wondered what it meant- physically, mentally, or in both aspects. Was that song about me too?
But then I stopped. What a waste to be contemplating the opening lyrics of a song when you could be (almost) reliving the one time that made you the happiest girl alive?
Billie exploded into the chorus, strumming his guitar viciously, and looking at me all at once, his eyes still laced with the same hilarity from before.
He looked mental.
It almost made me laugh, but I was still so caught up in the song that I couldn't bring myself to. I'm the midst of it, I caught Mike's eye; he gestured over to Billie with his elbow and winked.
I shook my head and smiled.
After that, they played two more songs. One titled "I wanna be alone" and my favorite, the one they played at Gilman that night, "The one I want."
They announced once again the album all the songs would be on was to be released within the next few months, and exited the stage.
Tre made his way to me first, completely faded off his ass, and slurred playfully, "So, how'd you like Billie's little ode to you?"
His eyes were wide.
"Uh.. Well," I laughed nervously. "I mean, it was nice, I guess."
"Here he comes," he nudged my side.
And with a damn smirk on his face, Billie was now side to side with me.
"How were we?"
"Even better than before. So, are you guys like one of those bands that gets better every time you play?" I asked.
"Well, we definitely have confidence that we're the best live band on the planet, that's for sure."
By then, Tre had walked off and gone somewhere with Mike. I almost didn't notice.
"Don't get too cocky. Karma will totally kick your ass if you keep talking like that. My freshman year, my skin became like, so clear out of nowhere right, and then I began to brag and all my acne came back. Maybe that'll teach you a lesson."
I was being just as cocky as him, because I thought two could play that game.
We were now walking out of the club, just to get some air I suppose, holding conversation about entirely irrelevant nonsense.
"What do your freshman year zits have to do with my badass guitar playing, might I ask?"
I rolled my eyes playfully. "I just explained that to you, asswad."
We both leaned against the bricks, and slid down until we were sitting in the grass, laughing for no reason.
He pulled out a baggie, a nugget of weed sitting perfectly in the center, traces of purple throughout it.
"I brought this, but my dumbass forgot to bring any rolling papers."
He sighed, tossing it into the grass between the two of us, and I stared at the water bottle he had in his hand.
"Gimme that."
Confusedly, he handed me the water bottle, and I took out my lighter and burned two holes through the plastic, one on the cap and one on the side, and put a metal piece into the hole on the cap.
"Here."
"Valerie, what the fuck? How do you- what?"
"It's a water bottle bong, ding dong," I said, shoving it towards him.
He looked at it like it was foreign, and then looked at me.
"How'd you know how to-" he started.
I laughed. "Billie, can you just shut the fuck up and take a hit?"
He sprinkled some of the shit into the metal piece and I handed him my lighter as he lit it, inhaling the smoke; I watched as the thin stream left his lips, and he tried to pass it over to me.
"Nah, I'm not really in the mood," I said, pushing it back to him.
"More for me, I guess."
So we sat there in silence, staring out towards the road and wasting the night away. After Billie was done, he chucked the bottle into the trash and sat back down next to me.
"Valerie?" He said, bland and tired.
"Hmm?"
"This is out of the blue, I'm aware, but I really hope you know your effort of driving me away is useless."
My gaze shifted from the dirt beside me to him, wide eyed and afraid.
"What?"
He smiled. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I've been thinking... Valerie, you can't avoid me. You can't push me away. That doesn't work with me. I'll keep following you. You're stuck with me."
The tears now pooled in my eyes. I hated to think for a second, he could be right. I didn't want to be stuck with him.
"No. You're wrong."
I shot up from the softness of the ground, fists bawled and eyes pooling with tears. "I'll push you all the way to fucking Canada. Think again, asshole."
Impulsively, I shoved him away, and bolted down the cold, bitter streets of Berkeley, all the way home.
And as much as I hated to admit it, more than anything, I was stuck with him.