Born Wicked

XXXIX

I'm lost. I'm so enraptured with him I can't think. I can't think. I can't think while he's thinking.

He loves me. The revelation overwhelms me and I'm afraid.

"Julian," I breathe while he trails kisses along my throat.

"Jayme," he husks and he rolls toward the middle of my bed, taking me with him.

I'm straddling his narrow waist, his hip bones digging into my inner thighs.

"Julian..." I say again, firmer this time.

His shirt is gone. My shirt is gone. Blond hairs dust his chest, so short and fine, they're near invisible. He's beautiful. He's gazing up at me in complete wonder, breathing hard.

"I've dreamed of this," he says deeply. "I've dreamed of you."

I've only ever dreamed of Ethan. Like a bucket of ice water in my veins, the desire I felt seconds ago is snuffed out. Extinguished with that one simple thought.

I feel my face freeze. I wrap my arms around my bared chest and stare at him in horror.

He groans in frustration. "What?" he asks roughly. "What's wrong?"

"This is wrong," I whisper.

"Why?" he demands hotly. "Because I dream of you?"

My face hardens. "No, because Ethan..."

He scowls at me, his face hardening to stone. "Really? Right now, that's who you're thinking about? Ethan? You're such a liar. I don't for one second believe you thought I was him."

I scoff and try to push off of him.

It's no use. He has me pinned firmly to him. "No, dammit, I want an answer. Is that what you're saying, Jayme?"

"No," I snap, frustrated. We're bare chest to bare chest and I can't fucking think. "Let me up."

"No," he says mutinously, his jaw set, muscle twitching. "Tell me what's happening right now. Because every time I kiss you, you don't just let me, you kiss me back. How can you do that and still make this about him?"

I stare at him silently.

"Jayme," he says my name like a command.

I push against his chest to no avail. "Let me go," I hiss. "I don't know what's happening, Julian. You could be doing shit to my head and I would have no clue, would I?"

He shoves me away from him and sits up. "Oh, my God. You're serious right now, aren't you?"

I pull my tank top over my head and cover myself. Without looking at him, I toss him his shirt. He grips it roughly for an instant and then yanks it on.

"How would I know?" I demand shakily. "How do I know anything, Julian? You could do some voodoo shit with your Spiritus abilities and I wouldn't know, would I?"

He pulls himself free of my bedding and stands with his back to me, "I don't know how to prove anything to you. And you know what?" he spins and stares at me, his eyes like hardened ice. "I shouldn't have to."

I slump and hug my knees to my chest. "You're right, you shouldn't have to," I murmur. "How can I feel these things? Anything? It isn't just about you, Julian, I don't trust myself. How can I? I don't know what's real. Ethan likes me..."

"And what about me?" he demands, cutting me off.

I look up into his strong, angular face. "You think you love me."