Knocker

Killing Knocker

I stare down at Knocker, still in my arms, his eyes struggling to remain closed. I try to think, quickly, how I will do it. It's the one thing he's taught me; I could use the knife, I could use a pillow, or a stick, even. And then I'll bury him in the garden, and then I'll also bury Ma and Holmer and then that'll be the end.

A thought slithers into my head; what if I can't kill Knocker? What if I try and it doesn't work?

Well, I think to myself, I must try.

I decide to try the knife, so I bend down with Knocker still in my arms, and I pull out one hand for the handle. I'm almost there, and then the knife makes the tiniest little sound on the floor and Knocker's eyes spring open. The two button eyes are wide, afraid, angry, hurt and surprised, all at the same time, as if he knew exactly what was going on, what I was thinking, planning. Then his mouth took the form of a snarl and an weird and scary sound came from him.

I have only a second to think fast and I drop him to the floor, which is not too far, and he gets up quick. But I'm quick, too. The knife is in my hand and I'm standing up straight. I'm way bigger than him, even if I'm just a little boy, and I have way more power. I'm like a bear and he's a dog. But he's a very scary dog and I'm a shy bear.

He's on his four legs now, and he's looking up at me with shining black button eyes and he looks like a gorilla. I'm waving the knife in front of him, trying to look scarier, but it's hard because he knows me, the real me, the quiet and obeying one, the boy he always did just as he said, now with his muzzle off and trying to rip the leash.

"You're mine, Tommy," he says. "You've always been my boy, my friend, my Tommy." He was backing up before, so that he could see all of me, and now he stops.

"I'm nobody's!" I scream and I'm so so loud, louder than Ma would've liked in the house, but it's okay because she doesn't mind anymore.

He makes a sort of noise that's not really a bark, not a hiss, and not a howl, but something in between, like an angry animal yell, and he charges at me, whip-cream around his mouth like crazy animals on the nature channel. I step back and drop the knife and he leaps onto me right at my face and I scream. He's grabbing my skin so he can stay on because I'm pulling and pulling at him and spinning all around. Maybe my face is sweaty, because he looses his grip and I fling him and he flies through the air and hits the wall a few paces away.

He makes a sound like thud! when he hits the wall and then again when he drops to the floor. I'm breathing fast and I wipe my face because it's wet. For a second I just wait where I am, my eyes locked on Knocker. He doesn't move for a while, so I try to calm down, take deep breaths like Ma used to tell me to do after a nightmare, and I pick up my knife before walking over to him.

Nothing happens when I poke him with my foot, then gently with my knife. There's no noise and no movement, and then I let out a breath I didn't know was stuck in my chest. With the tip of the knife, I touch his shoulder and move him onto his back so that I can see his face. His eyes are closed, and I think that's a good think. At least now I don't have to see those–

–Big round eyes.

They open and I gasp and quickly quickly before anything else happens, I stab with the knife right into his heart. There's no blood, only a little bit of stuffing that comes out when I pull it out.  The eyes close again, but only for a second this time. They open again and Knocker starts to laugh. "Was that supposed to hurt?" he asks, and I get up fast and trip and fall backwards. I crawl away from him as he struggles to get up but finally does, and he totters closer to me. The knife is on the floor between us, but he doesn't see it–or he doesn't want it. Maybe he's too small to use it, I think, and I don't know if that's good or bad because if he won't kill me like that, how will he kill me? I know he will kill me. I might've been useful in the past, but now there's only us, and he wants it only to be him. So I have to go.

I get up and fall and get up again and run. I run down the hall and into the first room, which is Rodger's. But it's not Rodger's anymore because there's no Rodger, so now it's just a lonely room with a lot of lonely stuffies all up on the shelf not wanting to come down because Holmer's not here to lead them anymore and it's just Knocker.

I close the door because Knocker can't open doors so I'm safe I'm fine I'm okay everything's okay now.

"I'm safe."

Knocker's calling my name.

"I'm fine."

"Tommy..."

"I'm okay."

"Where are you, Tommy?"

"Everything's okay now."

Then it starts–

–the knocking.