Knocker

A Voice in the Silence

I fell asleep but now I'm awake. My face is wet and my hands are still shaking. I'm awake now  because the knocking has suddenly stopped.

I press my ear against the door, trying to listen. It's really quiet, except for breathing and drumming, but that's just me, I think. I wait for a minute, wait for Knocker to open the door, wait for more knocking, for his voice, for the knife to go through the door and go into me...

But nothing happens, so now I'm even more scared.

I look around the room. The window is too high, the stuffies won't come down no matter what from their high shelf and I can't find anything else that could help me. Just some blocks that maybe I can throw at him and some plastic food that's useless and then trains that you have to move yourself.

I look over at Rodger's caged bed, and fresh tears slid down my face. I walk over and pick up the pillow, the one Knocker used to quiet him. The one he used to kill him. The one I killed him with. It was my fault, I know now, just like Mr Whiskers was my fault, and Ma, and Holmer. Knocker told me to do it, and I did it. I didn't have to do it, but I did it. I did it. Me.

I smell Rodger's pillow and it still smells like him, like baby powder and farts. I don't hate the smell anymore. 

All I want to do now is sleep. I want to sleep and I want to wake up, because this is all too bad to be real, so it has to be a dream. I lie down with Rodger's pillow and shut my eyes real tight, and I focus on my breathing, in and out and in and out. Sleep, I tell myself. It's stupid. I'm stupid. That never works! You can never get to sleep if you focus too hard on trying to. But then what do I focus on? Think happy thoughts? Of Ma? Of Rodger? When they were alive?

I think of Ma's face, her smile. She has brown hair that falls to her shoulders and pretty sparkling eyes. Her nose is funny, it's really small and turns upwards just a tiny bit, almost like a piggy. I called her a piggy once, and she got really sad and I said sorry and she said it was okay but I was crying and crying and I was really upset because I knew she didn't really mean it she was not okay it was not okay I made her sad and I deserved to be punished but she hugged me close and said no no no it's fine, my love. She loved me. She loved me so much and I killed her.

You killed me...

I let out a little baby scream when I hear Ma's voice. I look around.

"Ma?"

My love...

"Ma?" I'm crying and laughing now because I'm not really sure if she still loves me or if she's angry. She says "my love" so gently so maybe she still loves me I hope I hope... Oh please still love me, Ma!

Oh, my love... You killed me...

"Ma! Ma, I'm sorry Ma!"

It's okay, my love. It's fine.

And then she stops and no matter how many times I call for her, she doesn't answer or she's not here anymore.

Somehow I feel worse.

A/N

Hello my beautiful readers! I do hope you are enjoying the story so far and I ask that if you have anything you'd like to say, please comment!

I really need advice and constructive criticism because I want to make my story as good as possible.

So how do you like it? Did you find this chapter more scary or sad?

I hope you like the ending; I'm working on it presently!!

Please comment and vote if you like it!

–Laura Guilbault