Illusive (phan)

Chapter XIV - Desolate

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tw; suicidial thoughts, mentions of suicide, swearing

Chapter XIV - Desolate

[Rooftop of Dan&Ethan's Flat Block, Central London, 11:05 pm, TH 20/10/16]

PHIL: (climbs stairs, opens door to rooftop, gasps when he sees dan) "Dan! What the hell are you doing? Have you gone crazy?"

DAN: (standing on the low wall that borders the roof looking out over London, slowly turns around to face phil) "Hi."

PHIL: (spots bottle in his hand) "You're drunk, and you're standing on the edge of a roof?" (walks over, holds out hand) "Dan, please come down."

DAN: "I didn't even drink that much."

PHIL: "Dan, it's windy."

DAN: (scoffs) "Don't worry, Phil, I'm not that light."

PHIL: (desperate, begging) "Dan, just please come down."

DAN: "I like it here."

PHIL: (wind whips around them both) "Dan, please."

DAN: (glances at phil's outstretched hand, turns away from him) "The lights are so pretty."

PHIL: "Dan." (sheds a single tear) "Dan, you're so close to the edge."

DAN: "I like it. The thrill."

PHIL: "Dan, please hold my hand."

DAN: (ignores him) "Ethan likes to pretend that I come up here to think. But that's not it. I come up here so I can debate whether my life is worth living."

PHIL: (more tears flow) "It is, Dan. We all have low points. It doesn't mean you should give up."

DAN: "My life has only been low points. Where are the good bits? I want love and happiness and a family."

PHIL: "You have that!"

DAN: "You don't know anything about me."

PHIL: "I do. I know what happened. I know you didn't deserve it. But it happened, and there's nothing you can do but look ahead."

DAN: "Spoken like someone who doesn't know what it's like to lose someone."

PHIL: "Maybe I don't, but right now, I'm getting close to the feeling."

DAN: (scoffs, quoting) "'To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.'"

PHIL: "You're quoting Oscar Wilde? Dan--"

DAN: (didn't expect him to know it, continues) "He's right. I pushed my mum over the edge. I was a spoiled little child. I didn't know what that one tantrum would lead to."

PHIL: "Dan, it wasn't your fault."

DAN: (ignores him) "Now I deserve to go over the edge." (looks down at the floor below) 

PHIL: "Dan, please."

DAN: (drops the bottle in his hand, watches it shatter on the floor way below him, off-handedly) "Shut up, Phil." 

PHIL: (worried) "Why did you do that?"

DAN: "So if I don't die on impact, the glass will get me."