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Chapter Twenty

Chris’ heart skipped a beat and he held his breath. “Chris, it’s me,” Jonny uttered in a quiet tone. He sat up on the bed and wiped his eyes.

“Please, open the door,” Jonny  asked in an unidentifiable tone. Fear gripped his heart as he wondered if his friend was still angry with him.

He could never say “no” to Jonny, though, he could not ignore him. It was stronger than him. So with unsteady legs he walked to the door and with a shaking hand he pulled from the doorknob.

Jonny stood there, looking ashamed and sad, so very, very sad, “Hi,” he said, locking eyes with him. Had he, himself caused this to Jon? What had he done?

“Hi,” he responded, his voice barely audible.

“May I come in?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said in an unsure tone and stepped aside, letting the younger man into the room.

Chris closed the door behind him and glanced at him, “Will told you, right? …I’m sorry, Jonny,” he blurted out.

Jon’s face was masked in confusion, “Told me what?”

“About the conversation I had with him, what I told him,” Chris said.

“No, he did not tell me anything, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he quietly explained.

Chris was suddenly at a loss. So Jonny did not know? Will had not told him? But then……then why had Jonny been so angry with him? His jumbled feelings were out of control now. Uncertainty left him dizzy.   

He looked up at Jonny with wounded eyes, “Then why were you so angry with me?” he uttered in a hoarse voice.

The guitarist took a deep breath and stepped closer, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Chris. I came here to apologise. I’m incredibly sorry for what happened last night. For the things I said to you, for….,” his voice caught in his throat. “for how I treated you. I was drunk, I did not mean it, I swear it, please forgive me,” he begged in a whisper.

“But why were you angry with me? What did I do?” he demanded, “You said it was my fault, you said I had ruined everything. I don’t understand, Jonny,” he said in a strangled voice and a tear escaped and fell onto the carpet.

“Please, no! Don’t cry,” he softly said, “Don’t’ cry,” he pleaded.

Chris sniffed and wiped his face, what was going on?

“I wasn’t angry with you, I was drunk and confused and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have and I just can’t ask you enough times to forgive me,” his friend told him.

Chris could feel the sincerity in his voice, but he could still not shake off the hurt produced by how Jonny had treated him last night with no aparent reason. If he had not known about his feelings, why was he so furious?

“Then who were you angry with and why did you take it out on me?” he needed answers, he needed to know the reason why he had spent the last twelve hours in agonising pain.

“I was….I….was angry at what…you…represented,” he explained.

“What? What do you mean, Jonny? I don’t understand!”

He inhaled deeply and sighed, “It’s complicated, I…,” he covered his face with his hands, “God this is hard,” he muttered.

Chris remained silent, trying to make sense of Jonny’s enigmatic words.

“Errhmm…lately I’ve been….lately.....some things, some things have changed, you know, I changed, or I haven’t, I don’t know, maybe I was always this way, I…just don’t know,” he looked at Chris with a conflictive look in his eyes. “ I did not understand it at first, I…I thought I was just confused, mistaken, but…but then, then you were there all the time, being nice to me, being the best friend anyone could ask for and I…I realised, I realised what the problem was and I was in agony,” he said, taking a deep breath, “then, I could not control it anymore, I knew it was all going to end up badly, but I never wanted you to pay for it,” Jonny told him with miserable eyes.