Gravity

Chapter Thirty

He was determined to get Jonny out of his shell, to show him it was ok and safe to come out, but first, what Jonny needed was time to adjust and analyse everything in his mind and secondly, he badly needed reassurance and love. He would never ask for it, but Chris had lasting proof it worked, so he hugged him, he caressed him, he kissed him, he held him and told him he loved him and that everything would be fine. Then, when Jonny’s need for solitude was palpable in the air, Chris would retreat. He knew Jonny needed time to lick his wounds alone. He respected that, but he was also hurt. These wounds were as much Jonny’s as they were his. He had hoped they could mend each other. He certainly needed Jonny at the moment, he thought as anguish settled in his chest. Please Jonny, please babe. He glanced at the photos on the newspaper and his heart filled with longing. They were beaming, enjoying each other and now…everything was grey and miserable.

A persistent urge to check on Jonny burned him, he needed the soft-spoken young man, he wanted him to be ok. The ordeal had drained him of all his energy, so he shuffled to the bedroom with an aching heart and a tired soul. Fucking bastards, look what they had done. This was not the end of the world, he knew it, but until Jonny and him could talk about it, until he could confirm everything was fine between them, he would not shake the conflict that invaded him.

Jonny was sleeping when he sat on the bed. One part of him was grateful for that, he knew his love needed the rest. Knowing Jonny, he could bet his mind was surely exhausted from all the over-thinking and analysing he had done. Not wanting to disturb him, Chris planted a tender kiss on his temple, lay down next to him and tried to get some rest himself. Tomorrow would be another day. Tomorrow, he hoped, the shock would have subsided and they would be able to join efforts to deal with this situation properly. They hadn’t done anything wrong. There was nothing to be ashamed of, after all. Oh, he really hoped Jonny did not feel that way. It wasn’t a scandal as the tabloid had named it, it was love, it was their love.

He woke up to something heavy pinning him down on the mattress. Arms and legs clutched him tightly, clinging to him and a blond head nestled between his shoulder and neck in an unusual display of vulnerability.

“Jon?”

“I love you,” Jonny whimpered.

Relief flowed through his body in a warm calming wave, “I love you too, babe,” he said, planting a kiss on the top of his head. He could not see Jonny’s face, he was hiding it against his neck and he guessed why, his skin there felt curiously wet. He did not mind, in fact he was glad Jonny had come to him.

“Everything will be fine, right Chris?”

“That’s right, don’t you worry about it,” he reassured him, drawing slow calming circles on his back. He hoped that was the case, why should it be different? He was afraid, he was in fact terrified but he knew it was something new, there would be nothing to worry about. If people did not like it, they could shove it. Before he knew it, Jon had maneuvered both of them and so Chris found himself encircled in a pair of strong arms, his back against Jonny’s chest. He sighed in contentment and placed his hand atop his boyfriend’s. They would be fine, he felt it. They were strong and they had each other and a whole lot of people who loved them and protected them.

“I’m not ashamed, you know,” Jonny’s soft voice murmured in his ear, “I’m scared of being so exposed, but I’m not ashamed of us, at all,” he continued, pouring a calming balsam on his burning insecurity, for the idea of Jon feeling embarrassed about their relationship had crossed his mind leaving a boiling feeling in his gut.

“I’m not ashamed either, in the slightest,” he told him, glad they were finally putting into words all the jumbled emotions that had been troubling them since the previous morning.