A Mind of Mine

mon, 24 oct

Again and again and again. Loop of bottling it all inside and exploding in less expected moment.

I thought I was cured. I thought I'll be fine after all the shits I've been going through.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

I'm so smart.

So smart that I got an A with double plus in lesson: how to live like a proper human being.

So smart that I allowed myself to cry in the public.

May I take off my goody-two-shoes mask now because damn I really want to swear and scream and shout instead of silent crying.

Let me correct myself. Need, not want.

I'm not joking about the part where I wanna kill myself. (Only assholes do that, fyi) I have nothing more to lose. Ask for my life and I'll give it to your hand. That's how desperate I am to get those five stars bed in a coffin that I dream 24/7.

I don't think anyone could help me out from this pitch black tunnel. If you feel like you could save me, please don't hesitant to try. Be careful, watch your steps, step back when you finally realized I'm in too deep. Just don't lose yourself in my darkness, I can't even be responsible with my only life. Or maybe don't try at all, my life don't worth any fight.

I don't want to be alive, I want to feel alive. I'm tired of being numb.