Symphony for the Lost

Numb

My favourite thing about sergey Lazarev is singing the English version of In My Lonely Life and then the Russian version is still hella catchy so when you get to the part where it says "la la la la life" you start by doing the Russian "na na na na na na" but you morph back into the English version so it always comes out as "na na na na knife."
(Listen to the songs if you wanna feel meh.)

I hadn't seen my son in years. I think the last time was when he was four. God. That was a whole decade ago. He was so tall now, so grown up. I wanted to cry, but I went to the kitchen to prepare supper instead.
I can tell you it was the most awkward dinner of my life until Tino started talking my offspring up. I hadn't seen Jean-Paul talk that much in my life. I think after that I started getting the delusion that everything was going to be okay because I was actually allowing myself to smile a little while I watched hockey with Jean-Paul, Tino, Berwald, and the child they had taken in. I couldn't even remember the last time I smiled without it being fake, but there I was throwing them out as if I had been since my birth.
I don't think anybody knew that once all the lights were out, I snuck into Jean-Paul's room and sat next to him while he slept. I know it's a creepy thing to do, but I truly care about the kid, even if I did give him up when he was a baby.
I was only fourteen when I had him and if I didn't give him up I would have been kicked out of the foster home I was living in at the time. I barely got to talk to him on the phone and I sure as hell hadn't seen him much, but he was a part of me. He was probably the only good thing I had left.
Especially since I lost Kuma to that asshole Yao.
Speaking of the bear, his lack of presence had been causing me a lot of unrest. Alfred gave him to me for my birthday a year or two ago.
I guess he figured I was pretty lonely after that one time he invited me over for Christmas and I didn't talk to anybody.
He was right. For once.
I was incredibly lonely. It felt good to have something to take care of. It was like I had a purpose that I hadn't had before.
But, like everything in my life, it was short lived.
I thought that maybe I could survive without him. I was surrounded by people and what not.
But then that day came...
Poor Tino and Berwald were trying to adopt Peter permanently and one of the inspectors said something about checking my criminal record. I panicked.
There were too many things I had done; shoplifting, drugs, prostitution. If I wasn't worthy of having my own child, why should I be worthy of being around somebody else's child.
So I left.
I had nowhere to go and nobody to turn to but I had no choice. I had to leave so Tino and Berwald could live the happy life I never could.
I think that's where it all started...