Symphony for the Lost

Epilogue

Four Years Later

I lay on my side on the couch in front of our fireplace. Kumajirou is under my head and Winnie is sleeping at my feet. One of my hands is rested on my stomach and the other is writing this note.
I hear somebody cough in the bedroom. It's your father. He has a cold right now, but he'll be fine. The house is quiet without his usual shenanigans and nights are lonely without him by my side.
I don't blame him for sleeping on the couch these past few days. He just doesn't want me to get sick when I'm still pregnant with you. He's been very overprotective of me since we found out you were coming. I don't blame him for that either. I knew he wanted you more than anything. But by the time I was finally emotionally ready to bring a baby into my life, by body no longer was.
It took a year of trying. We were lucky that Jean-Paul was off at college because we were getting desperate.
But eventually it worked. Gilbert cried  when we found out. I cried too, but mostly because I was scared. I'm worried that I'm not going to be the parent you need, that my emotional state might get in the way of me raising you. Gilbert keeps assuring me that I'll be fine. I hope he's right. I don't know what I'd do if I fucked up another child.
I don't know where we'll be a few years from now, but I hope you'll be happy.
I guess that's why I'm writing this whole story for you. I plan on giving it to you if you ever think we don't care about you. Because we do. We want you in this world more than anything. You're the result of all the crap we went through to get to this point and we couldn't be more glad to have you as part of our life.
I just want you to know that life goes up and down. One moment you could be living on the street, not knowing where your next meal is coming from, and the next you're married and living in the most beautiful house, surrounded by all the people you love. Maybe I'll fall into depression again. Maybe things will stay the same. But the most important thing to remember is that when good things happen, you can't let the bad things spoil them. Life is unexpected, but happiness is always around the corner.
So be strong, my child, and don't ever forget how important you are to us.
We love you.
-Matthew Williams-Beilshmidt

Matthew slipped his pen into the coil of the notebook and set it on the floor. He shifted and Kuma yawned heartily. The Canadian ran his fingers through the bear's fur.
Gilbert exited the bedroom, blowing his nose into a tissue. Matthew grimaced, grossed out by the sound.
"Vhat time is it?"
"Five thirty."
"I should get started on supper..."
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I vas hit in zhe face by a ball of snot." Gilbert tossed his tissue into the trash and sat on the floor, back against the couch.
"Nasty." Matthew reached out and took his husband's hand.
"Jou know vhat, Mattie?"
"What?"
"I zhink ve made a good life for ourselves."
"Me too."
"Do jou zhink it'll have mein eyes?"
"It better."
"It better have jour cute little face."
"Or your voice."
"Gött no." Gilbert laughed.
"Hey, Gil?"
"Ja?"
"I love you more than anything."
"I love jou more."
Matthew grinned. He had never felt worse than those days when he was living on the street.
But he had never felt better than he did right then.