Symphony for the Lost

Weak

"And here's your new room!" Alfred had painted the place a disgusting shade of yellow, like the McDonald's logo. He had stuffed animals on every surface and hockey posters on the wall.
God. Why did he have to try to hard for somebody like me?
"If you need anything just let me know."
"I'm fine."
"You must be hungry."
I shook my head and fell down into the bed Alfred set up for me. A bunch of plushies fell onto the floor but I ignored them.
"Look, Mattie-" the doorbell rang, cutting my brother off. He pet me on the head once before rushing off to answer it.
I didn't move from my spot. Alfred started chatting up whoever was at the door and I listened since I had nothing better to do.
"Matthias...you're back."
"Yeah...I just needed some time to myself. But I'm-"
Matthias was cut off. I wasn't sure what had done it, but from what I heard...Alfred was kissing him?
"Fuuuuuck." I muttered as Alfred panted in the next room. Did he seriously forget I was here already.
"Um...my brother is here."
Apparently not.
"I'm sorry...I can come back later..."
"I can't let him out of my sight for a while. I'm sorry. I really want this, but-"
"For fucks sake, Al." I rolled out of the bed and stormed into the main part of Alfred's home. "You could just ask me to leave."
"But-"
"Al, you've been pining after this guy for ages. Who am I to get in the way of you fucking him?"
Alfred's face turned bright red. "I...I wasn't gonna...we weren't..."
Matthias was more shocked than anything.
"I'll come back in an hour. Try to be dressed by then."
"Mattie...you can't..."
"I'm just gonna sit on the steps. I promise I won't run away."
I just wanted Alfred to enjoy himself once before I ruined everything again. He deserved to have somebody in his life and he deserved to be happy. My feelings didn't matter here.
"Promise you'll be back in an hour?"
"Cross my heart." My poor, rotting heart.
"Fine. Go. But if you break that promise I'll never let you watch hockey again."
"Deal." I exited the apartment and headed down a flight or two of stairs.
It was there that I sat down and let tears fall down my cheeks. I didn't want to be stuck in Alfred's smelly apartment with his weird roommate, Tony who didn't talk much and Matthias, who was probably going to end up fucking my brother every night. They had this life I didn't want to intrude on.
"Mattie? Vhat are jou doing out here?"
I looked up to see a familiar pair of red eyes under a cover of white hair.
Gil...
"Alfred's...probably fucking Matthias..."
"Yikes. Vouldn't vant to go up zhere." Gil sat down beside me. "How have jou been feeling?"
"Awful." I muttered before my brain got the chance to intercept the message.
"Zhe offer to stay vizh me still stands."
"Al won't allow it." I let my head fall against the wall.
"I'm at least going to visit you every day. You deserve that much."
"Mnm." I groaned. I didn't deserve that. Gilbert had to go out of his way to come here from work. Why would he do that for me?
"Matthew..." Gilbert took my hand and pressed his free hand against my cheek, turning my face in his direction. He looked into my eyes with longing, lips moving closer and closer to mine until they met. His were warm, like hot chocolate in winter. I wanted to give in. It felt so right. But he was wasting his time with me.
I pulled away, averting my eyes.
"I'm sorry..."
"No...I'm sorry." I let go of his hand, clutching mine to my chest.
"Vhat for."
"I can't give you what you want, Gil."
"Jou can't spend time vizh me? Jou can't laugh at mein jokes or enjoy jour life?"
"I really can't." I felt tears forming in my eyes.
Gilbert pulled me into a hug and started stroking my hair. "Shhhhh. Isht okay. Jou'll get zhere."
"I really don't think I will."