Symphony for the Lost

Faint

That entire weekend...I couldn't even get near Kuma. He growled at my every approach and hid behind Gilbert. I felt dejected, unworthy.
"I'm sure he just doesn't remember jou." Gilbert assured me over and over. But that wasn't true. Kuma didn't growl at strangers. He was mad at me.
And I would be too.
I let him be taken away like it was nothing.
"I'm sure he'll come around."
But he didn't.
And the worst part was when Yao came to pick him up. He jumped right into the man's arms as if he was an old friend.
I let them go without a single word.
"Matthew."
"Don't talk to me." I groaned, burying myself in blankets.
"I'm sorry."
"Whatever."
Gilbert sighed and sat down on the bed.
I felt the mattress shake as he moved his body around mine to spoon me.
I straightened my posture so he couldn't get too close.
"Don't be like zhat."
"I said don't talk to me."
"Matthew..."
"Shut up."
Gilbert sighed again, moving himself away from me and heading toward the door.
"I'm going for a valk."
I didn't respond.
I heard the door slam and let my body go limp.
I lost him, didn't I? After all that time pushing him away, he finally decided not to come back.
I guess it was time to take my leave.
I slid out of bed and put on the outfit Alfred had given me. It was the only thing I owned and I didn't want to steal anything else of Gil's.
I slipped out of the apartment and into the hallway, choosing to take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Halfway down I could hear a voice. I halted and pressed myself against the wall.
"I don't even know vhat to do anymore."
Gil.
"I just vant to see him happy again, ja know? But all zhis shit keeps coming up und..."
He trailed off into sobs and I heard a small electronic voice talking back to him. He was on the phone, I assumed.
"I can't calm down, Francis! You haven't seen the state he's in. There's nothing I can do for him!"
He was right. I was a hopeless mess.
I collapsed into a sitting position, burying my face in my hands. Why was I still alive?
"But I can't give up on him."
What?
"He doesn't deserve this."
Gil's words bounced around in my head, thumping in there like a heartbeat during a headache.
"Can't give up on him."
Why?
Why was he bothering?
What was I giving him?
Maybe you should be giving him something.
The thought was sudden...but it was right. I had to make it up to him.
I heard Gilbert hang up his phone and stood up on shaky legs.
He turned the corner, stopping when he saw me standing there.
"M-Mattie..."
I launched myself into his arms, sobbing hard enough that I could easily cough up a lung.
"Mattie?!" Gil fell over backwards, managing to catch himself quickly enough that we only landed softly on the little platform between staircases.
"Vhat are jou doing?!" Gilbert locked his arms around me as tightly as his Spanish friend's ass was and buried his face in my neck.
"I'm sorry!" I choked out, continuing to cry.
"Shhh. Isht okay." He rubbed my back in circles but I couldn't calm down. I had too many piled up emotions to let out.
Gilbert didn't want to give up on me. He wanted me to be happy.
I knew I couldn't make myself be happy.
But I could sure as hell try.