Pure At Heart

Pure At Heart (6) Unconfirmed decisions

"Although they plan, Allah also plans. And Allah is the best of the planners. Surah Al-Anfal : 30"

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I returned home that day with a severe headache. The classes had been a burden for me all day. Since it was my first day, nobody really knew me and so it was easy for me to stay in the bathroom pretending like im cleaning it. 

"Assalamualaikum Mami", i said, picking up an apple from the fruit basket. This was the only thing that helped me get rid of any kind of pains - either physical or emotional.

"Walaikumassalam", she replied with a gentle smile. I headed for my room when i heard her voice and stopped in my tracks. I knew this was something important. I swallowed the apple and came to where she was sitting. Hafsa and Baba had also joined her. Staring at all of them, i felt the apple slipping from my hands. What was going on?

"Um.. yes?", i said, taking a seat across from them. They were sitting on the chairs, all leaning on the kitchen counter which was also used as a dining table. My mom looked at my dad and they both smiled. They had a good news. I knew it. There smile only had a relaxing glimpse in it if they were happy about something. Otherwise, when they were trying to fake something, they would smile but i caught the sadness behind it. 

"Hafsa is getting married?", i asked them, sensing their thoughts. They laughed.

"Not Hafsa sweety, you are", my mom replied pinching my cheeks playfully. I stopped chewing. I stared at them but their looks were dead serious. They were serious. I was getting married. What? When? Why? I was only 19. NINETEEN.

"Look mami", i began, gently patting her upper hand. "I had a long hectic day at my college so im not looking forward to any jokes. Please. I know its Hafsa."

"It's not her honey, its you. Aunty Aamina told me about 3 to 4 proposals. Remember Maryam's wedding last month? Aunty Aamina told me many people want to come and meet you in person. They liked you Hamna", Mami stroked my hair. I put my apple down. Well those people can just kiss the thoughts goodbye. There's no way im getting married before im 25.

"Mami, you are not serious, are you? Im just 19. And if anybody comes to see me, just tell them to go away without even stepping inside. There's no way im getting married", i said and ran to my room. I knew what their expressions would be right now, but i just couldn't believe they thought i would be happy. Getting married in my teenage years was nowhere on my bucket list. And right now im kind of glad it never was. 

About an hour later, my mom came in my room. I sat up when i saw her but didnt say anything. I knew why she was here. I just sat still as she sat beside me. 

"Hamna", she began. I looked at her. She had one of those gentle looks on her face and so i instantly knew she was not mad at me. 

"Why dont you want to get married?", she stroked my hair. I looked down because i knew i had hurt them. I dont really mean to hurt anybody, but somehow i still do. I wish i could get over this rare habit of mine. I didn't want to argue with her about anything else. I always argue with them and then always get the things my way - which is wrong. My parents should be the one making decisions and getting things done their way. I was the youngest and was always ruling over everyone. I sighed.

"Mami, i dont know. Something got into me. I didn't mean to say all that. I'll do as you guys say. And im sorry. - You can call whoever you want and i'll marry whoever and whenever you guys want", i finished. I kept staring at my feet as i rested my head on my knees. I didn't want to say all that because this was all against my will but, i shouldn't always be the one who's winning. Sometimes its ok to lose - and especially in front of your parents.