Pure At Heart

Pure At Heart (31) Fire

"Patience is the ability to countdown before you blast off."

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It was 2 O'clock in the afternoon and I was already preparing to leave for home. The meeting with Dylan went fine and no past experiences or information was shared or passed on but I needed time to contemplate what was going on.

Just when I was starting to be happy again, I spoke to myself. Why does bad stuff always happen to me? I made one mistake. Am I going to be punished for it for the rest of my life? What about what others did? They're perfectly happy and fine.

My head was hurting because I hadn't eaten anything and because I was too stressed out. My cell phone rang. It was Ayesha.

"Yeah?" I said as soon as I answered.

"Walaikumassalam, love," she laughed.

"Is there anything important to talk about?" I was getting annoyed by every single thing at the moment. Including Ayesha, who was more than a sister to me.

"Umm... no not really. I was just asking when you will be coming home?" she said hesitantly.

I sighed and leaned back on the chair. "Oh. Yeah I was just leaving. Be there in 20," I told her.

"InshaAllah," she said and hung up.

I put my cell phone in the purse and headed out of my office.

"I'm leaving early today. Please cancel all the appointments," I told my secretary and walked out.

I sat down in my car and tried to calm myself down. I didn't want to drive with my mind strangled in all the different thoughts and memories.

20 minutes later, I pulled up on my driveway and got out of the car. Ayesha opened the door and Aidah ran towards me.

"Mamaaaa!" she screamed and hugged me.

"Did you miss me, jani?" I picked her up. "A lot," she said and gave a peck on my cheek.

"We're having late lunch and an early dinner today," Fatima told me. I smiled. "Well that's awesome. Could really use a big meal right now."

Ayesha seemed unusually quiet. I was much too stressed out about my situation to even ask her what was wrong.

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I closed my laptop in frustration. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Why Dylan? Why couldn't anything go smoothly in my life? I closed my eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks. All the bad memories from the past flooded in.

"Hamna I'm going to go to sleep," Ayesha opened my room door and peeked inside.

For the first time in the day, I noticed her different attitude.

"Ayesha?"

"Yes?"

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Why?"

I stood up wiping my tears.

"You're crying?" she asked. She walked in the room and stared at me with confusion.

"Forget about me. What happened to you?" I asked.

"I asked you first," she folded her arms in front of her.

"No you didn't. I asked you first." I told her and gestured her to sit down. She sighed and sat down on my bed.

"Now.... Speak!" I commanded her.

She looked at me, then looked down.

"I got a call today from... from..." she suddenly burst in tears.

"Ayesha?" I put a hand on her shoulder. I had never seen her so defeated and helpless. I had never seen her cry before.

"Who called you?" I asked her.

"Sean," she spoke through her tears. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Sean? Who's that?" I asked.

"The guy who apparently fires people at my company. He fired me today. I'm jobless Hamna," she couldn't stop crying.

"Ayesha don't cry like that. Please," I hugged her.

"Everything will be ok. Have some faith in Allah."

But apparently I was wrong.

From that day forward, nothing in our lives was ok.

Ayesha was fired and couldn't find any other job. A week after Ayesha was fired, the break room in my company building caught on fire and the fire spread to the whole building overnight. I had woken up in the middle of the night by the fire alarm that was set on my phone. By the time the firefighters arrived at the scene, the whole building was near collapsing. The big Al Meda building which I considered my strength and one of my gifts from Allah after everything I had gone through, burned down that night. Everything was gone in a matter of minutes.

Ayesha and I could no longer afford the house we lived in and the cars we drove. We both had to go back to living in an apartment. Worse than before. We had no jobs and no money to feed our daughters. To buy them decent clothes or even to take them out anywhere for fun.

I was traumatized by everything that had happened. Nothing mesmerized me anymore. I would wake up and keep laying in my bed for hours before getting up to only feel worse and lock myself in my room again.

For the first time in my life, I started questioning Allah SWT.

"Why me, oh Allah? Why did I have to go through this pain? Why didn't anybody else? Why did you choose me to be in pain and misery? I'm alone and helpless. I have no one and nothing. I can't give my daughter the life she deserves. I hate my life! I hate myself. Why are you punishing me so much, Oh Allah?" I cried through my tears. Deep inside, I knew I wasn't supposed to question Him. He is the All-Knower. He is the Most-Merciful. He knows and He shows mercy.

I closed my eyes and for a split second, went into an alternative world.

"Good morning Mrs. Siddiqui," I was awaken by the soft voice of Zayd entering the room. I opened my eyes and saw Zayd entering with a big tray in his hands. Early morning sun shone from the little gap between the curtains.

I smiled. "What are you doing?"

"What?" he stopped in his tracks.

"What did you do?"

"I made breakfast. As a thank you gesture."

"Why?" I sat up. "Today is your only day off from work. I wanted to make you breakfast."

"Every day I work for others. Today I wanted to work for my beautiful wife," He sat down and planted a kiss on my forehead. I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Well that is a very sweet gesture. Thank you," I stared deep in his eyes, eyes that were filled with love.

We sat staring at each other, our faces almost touching. I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted to stay this close to him and I wanted to keep staring in his eyes forever. But then we were interrupted by the sweet laughter of our daughter, Aidah.

"I'm up at school time and it's Saturday!!!" she came inside the room and started jumping on our bed, spilling the orange juice on the bed.

"Aidah, honey look what you did," I sighed and picked up the glass from the bed.

"Oh it doesn't matter Hamna. Anything is allowed for my daughter," Aidah fell in Zayd's arms and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Daddy is my favorite!!" she screeched with happiness. I laughed. This was a beautiful moment with my complete family... a moment that...

...sadly couldn't be a reality. I came back to the reality. I tear had rolled down my cheek and I wiped it off. I felt at peace all of a sudden. Even though it was all my imagination, it gave me the happiness I hadn't felt in a long time.

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