Pure At Heart

Pure At Heart (12) Reactions and Regrets

"No one is worth your tears. And the one who is, will never make you cry."

                                                             ____________________

I watched as Dylan walked away. It was in that moment I realized I didn't have any other choice but to tell Zayd. And I had to tell him now. I took a deep breathe and walked upstairs. I opened the bedroom door and saw that Zayd was no longer in bed. He was in the restroom. I made the bed and brushed my hair. The next few moments were going to be very intense. I put away Zayd's laptop and some of the stuff that was resting on the couch. I cleaned my dressing table and sat down and waited for Zayd to come out.

About 5 minutes later, he walked out, all clean and fresh. He brushed his hair and put on his wrist watch. Seeing that he wasn't going to talk, I decided to break the silence.

"Zayd I have to tell you something", I said. He looked at me.

"Let's do this later, ok?" he said just when I was about to speak. I stared at him for a while before nodding. He put his phone in his pocket and walked out the room. I sat there thinking about what just happened. He avoided me. He just walked out without telling me to go with him. Did Dylan or Maryan tell him something? Zayd never interrupted if I wanted to tell him something. I put my hijab on and walked out the room.

The breakfast was intense. Every now and then I could feel Dylan and Maryan watching me. I couldn't get a single bite down. Zayd's behavior did change. He wasn't even offering me anything like he usually used to. I just sat there playing with my omelet as everybody else enjoyed it.

"Hamna?" Zayd's mother said when she saw me not eating anything. "What are you doing? Why aren't you eating anything?" she asked. I didn't know what to say.

"Of course she wouldn't eat Ma", Zayd said, taking a sip of his orange juice. "When people have secrets, the guilt eats them." I looked at him as well his mother. My gaze then hovered over to Dylan and he was smiling.

"And what do you mean by that? Zayd honey, thats not nice. Offer her something", his mother quietly scolded him. He looked at me and handed me the huge jug of juice. I took it but put it down on the table. I thought they wouldn't tell him but they did. They hadn't changed a bit; just got worst. I wanted to cry but the tears were enough right now.

"Excuse me", I said as I walked up to my bedroom. My life was over.

About 15 or 20 minutes later, Zayd walked in and looked for his laptop. When he finally found it, he was about to leave the room but I stopped him. "I want to talk to you Zayd", I said. He stared at me and then sat down on the bed. I knew Dylan had told him his side of the story. I needed to clear things up for Zayd.

"I know you already know and-

"Why didn't you tell me?" he interrupted me. I looked down and nodded. "I know I should have", I said. "Then why didn't you?" he was filled with rage.

"I didn't know how to", I said. He looked away.

"And i didn't want to hurt you. I knew you would be", I said. He looked at me again.

"I would be less hurt if you told me. Hamna, this was the most important thing ever. You should've told it to me even before the Nikkah. And I thought you were pure at heart", he punched the bed covers. I started tearing up.

"I know, I know. But remember how you said your mother would tell you to divorce me if i was that kind of girl? I didn't want to lose you", I spoke as the tears welled up and started falling down my cheeks. I thought his heart would melt if i said that, but it didn't.