Pure At Heart

Pure At Heart (17) Take me to the happy train

"Here I am, Oh Lord, Here I am! There is no partner with You, here I am. Truly the praise and the provisions are Yours and so is the dominion and the sovereignty. There is no partner with You."

                                                     _____________

I slowly made my way upstairs and locked myself in my bedroom. I just wanted a chance to go to my dad and apologize. And I wanted it right now. I sat down on the floor, next to my bed and started sobbing. I buried my face in my hands so I wouldn't make a noise while crying. I quietly sobbed for 5 minutes straight, then got up and and wiped my tears. I decided to go right now and apologize to my father. I didn't want to sleep with any guilt tonight. I put my hijab on, got my phone from the side table and walked downstairs. I hesitated before entering the living room, but then went inside with firm footsteps. Hafsa and Zayd stopped talking when they saw me and Hafsa stood up.

"Hamna, so nice to see you sis", she said as she tried to be the same old casual Hafsa. Instead of hugging her, I stood straight and still; without any expression.

"I want to speak with baba", I told her. She stared at me and then my gaze hovered over to Zayd. "I'll be back in about an hour. Please don't wait for me", I told him. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Where are you going?" he asked me.

"I'm going to go and apologize to baba. I hurt him so much", I began tearing up again. Hafsa put her hand on my shoulder. "Hamna what are you talking about?" she asked.

I jerked her hand away. "You couldn't have told all that to me. I wouldn't have been so ignorant if I knew the truth. Why did you hide all this from me? Why Hafsa, why?" I asked her with a harsh but teary voice. She looked at Zayd.

"You heard?" Zayd asked. "I wasn't supposed to, right? But I did!" I said firmly.

"Hamna-

"No! I won't hear any excuses right now. I want to meet baba and I want to meet him now!" I said and walked out the living room. I got my car keys and was about to open the garage when Zayd stopped me.

"Hamna it's too late right now. You can go in the morning", Zayd said politely. I snatched my hand away from him. "I don't care!" I said and opened the garage. I got my car out and waited for Hafsa to come. Hafsa sat in her car and I followed her behind. I saw Zayd standing, from my back mirror. Maybe I was being too quick in making this decision. But maybe it was for the best. Maybe for once in my life, I will feel better and free of all the pressure.

I drove at high speed and because of that, we reached my parent's home in 10 minutes. But throughout the drive, I kept thinking about how I had been harsh on my dad on the day of my wedding. He simply wanted a hug and I thought he hated me, so I didn't let him. He didn't want me to exist so that he wouldn't want to remember my pain. Everyone has their own way of love and affection. And my dad had the most unique way of showing it.

I got out the car quickly and so did Hafsa. She rang the doorbell and a few minutes later, my mom opened the door.

"Hamna? What are you-

"Where's baba?" I interrupted her but my tone was soft now. She looked at Hafsa and Hafsa ignored her. She grabbed my hand and walked past my mom and into the living room. She aggressively knocked on my parent's room door. I guess she was done tolerating my harsh behavior.

A few seconds later, my dad walked out.

"What's going on?" he asked. When he saw me standing there, his expressions changed.

"What are you doing here?" he asked being the same old rude person; but I now knew this was all fake.

"Baba, I'm sorry", I said as I walked in front of him. He stared at me in disbelief.