I Am Schizophrenic

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

With the coldness and quietness of Winter approaching, everyday seemed frightful to me—I was frightened that my family would find me and take me to the hospital again. On the other hand, Ashton had been affording everything related to Eliza and I—so it was awkward and I couldn’t let him pay for everything for us. Eliza had a brilliant idea to get money, so she started baking cute cupcakes and selling them—they actually made decent money. Eliza seemed so happy and she was satisfied by her life in Virginia. But me—I was sorrowed; every night I hear voices in my mind, multiple times I tried to cut my wrist by the influence of those voices, but Eliza managed to save me in the last minute. I believe that without her by my side, I would be dead from a while. And every time I look at her, I remember that my so-called best friend, Ellen—wasn’t a real best friend. Ashton keeps asking about the real reason of our escape, but we never satisfy him with answers. Moreover, I used to catch Ashton looking at Eliza with flirty eyes—not so flirty but also lovely. When I teased Eliza asking her about Ashton’s looks to her, she hesitated and laughed it off; but I sincerely hoped that nothing would happen between both of them—not because I’m jealous from her but, a relationship with him was not right at that time, she was mentally ill after all. As for me, every day I could fake a brilliant smile at everybody but what nobody knows that every night before I sleep, I cry my eyes out—remembering Jake. It was so hard living without him, and when I recall his last words to me before he had gone, I die a little more inside. I remember his perfect smile, his ocean-blue eyes, his brown hair—it hurt a lot to realize that he’s gone, and all I could do is remember him with the memories.

“We’re broke.” Eliza told me curling her lips disappointingly.

I sighed in despair, silenced a minute while staring at nowhere thinking of a solution. I turned back to Eliza and asked her “Do you mind working?”

“I did, we kept selling cupcakes but now it isn’t so successful.”

“I mean—a real job.” I clarified.

She paused oddly looking at me with her eyebrows raised then said “I..don’t know. Maybe? How can we get a job, we can’t reveal our IDs.”

“We have Ashton. He can get us jobs.”

Eliza’s eyes glittered when I mentioned Ashton, a little blushed too. That’s when I seriously knew that something was going on.

“Okay, Eliza; tell me what’s between you and Ashton.” I told her.

Eyes glittering more and blushing was increasing then she hesitated and said “What? I..don’t know what you’re..talking about. There’s nothing.”

“Really? Your looks at him, his looks at you..sitting on the roof with him for hours talking. It’s quite normal thing, right.” I was sarcastic.

“Come on, Christie!” she whined childishly.

“I’m serious. Tell me.”

“It’s nothing—he’s just a really nice guy.”

“And?” I said with an eyebrow raised.

“He likes me—and I like him too. We never ‘confessed’ to each other though, but he shows it stupidly.” She said in a sweet way.

“Liza, sweetie—..” I started as she interrupted me saying,

“I know what you will say, ‘this is wrong as we can’t have a relationship now ‘cause we escaped a mental hospital..blah blah blah.’” She continued “But liking someone is not usually controlled by us, and you know it well, Christina—remember Jake? You couldn’t stop loving him, till now. Love is a magical feeling that we cannot control, it comes suddenly.” She sounded so wise and logical by her words. And honestly, I was speechless and not knowing what to say, also when she mentioned Jake—she was completely right.