I Am Schizophrenic

Chapter Five (Part one)

Chapter Five

“I’m fine.” That was the tenth time to answer the question which my parents have been asking me; What’s wrong with you? I lied in my answer, because I didn’t really know what was wrong with me.

“Shall we take you to someone who you would talk to, Tina?” My father gently asked me. I knew it was a therapist; or a psychiatrist.

“I don’t need a therapist.”

“You can just go and talk to him..that’s all.” Mother explained.

“I don’t need a THERAPIST!” I shouted with a shaky voice.

“Alright, alright. We’ll come back to you later, ok? Just try to sleep darling.” Dad said and then he kissed my forehead and left.

They think that sleep is my escape; wrong. They never know about the nightmares I have every single night, or the voices who order me to harm myself. Such as Darkened and Young Christina. Part of me believed that I’m normal, and those people are definitely real; but the other part disagreed. I obeyed them! I obeyed the people who ordered me to harm myself. Part of me believed that Jake would come back; the other part feared his eternal loss. I disliked people, feared them; thinking that they want to hurt me. was my theory right or wrong? I felt different; girls my age hang out, date, go shopping, party..etc. I was different, I didn’t like hanging out and haven’t had any boyfriend (I believe that an intimate relationship should be after marriage) also I thought Why marriage? Why would I be stuck with someone, who will fight with me 24/7? Or have children who I will ignore and neglect? See; marriage wasn't even in my futuristic plans. I knew I was unique, I didn’t care if it was bad uniqueness or good uniqueness; all I cared for that it was just uniqueness. After my very busy mind stopped thinking, I fell asleep. After countless hours, I woke up abruptly without any reasons. Having one thing in my mind which I wanted to achieve Go and meet Sarah. It was 3 in the morning, had no idea how to go and meet her at that time, but I crawled through the hall, trying to find Tyler’s car’s key. By using the light of my cell phone, I succeeded. I escaped quickly, driving in the  pitch black streets to find Sarah’s boyfriend’s house. After nearly forty-five minutes, I successfully found the house. Getting out of the car in the severe and painful coldness was a difficult decision; but I needed to. The quietness in the area was fearful, extraordinary quietness that I could hear my heartbeats. When I stepped on the door-step, the sound of the wooden floor made a sound which broke the silence. The house wasn’t really big, by the external appearance, I could tell that it was somehow cheap; unlike the Evans’ Palace of course, I chuckled sarcastically. I collected my nerves and muscles to ring the door, hoping that she would open. After some time, I could hear someone’s footsteps approaching, then the door was opened. It was Sarah. She wore a dark-blue robe, her beautiful brown hair was messed up intelligently and her eyes were sleepy. She recognized me, her reaction was shocked but happy. She smiled an unexplained smile, then quickly said,

“Christina!?”

“Hey, Sarah. I’m so sorry for crashing in the middle of the night, but I wanted to see you.” I apologized.

“Middle of the night? It’s almost dawn, Tins.” She funnily said; and Tins was the only name I was called, by her. “Come inside, let’s sit by the fire to warm you up a little.” She showed me inside.

Cheap, as I thought the house was. Regular furniture, old fire place; but it was nice. We sat in front of the fire place, the warmth cracked me up, the feeling was amazing. Sarah was still looking at me, not understanding the reason I came to her.

“I need you..so much.” I started, with a broken voice.

“I’m not coming back, Tins. I’m so sorry.”

“I know..but at least I want to feel you’re still my sister.”

She held my hand in tender and said “I’m still your sister, darling. What’s the matter?”

“The matter is..I don’t really know.” I started sobbing in despair.

“Christina,” she hugged me, I missed my sister’s hug. She was so warm, I hid my face in her shoulder. Then I faced her, and told her everything; Everything I’ve been feeling. She listened carefully, sighed then said;

“And how can I help you?”

“I..don’t know.”

“Listen, sister. You can escape this, by your own. Believe in yourself, believe that you can fight all this wickedness, all this unexplained things. You can do it.” She encouraged me.

I heard footsteps, going down the stairs. I knew it was Sarah’s boyfriend, we for sure awakened him. A shadow on the wall of the stairs appeared, bigger and bigger the shadow became as her boyfriend stepped down. A tall figure appeared; it was too dark to see his features, but he approached to us, the fire light showed his features. Too astonished to react when I saw her boyfriend. I’m afraid but I do know your boyfriend very well, Sarah. The look on his face wasn’t clear, also Sarah’s reaction.

“Jake!?” I asked in shock, astonishment, surprise and despair.

“Christina.” He coldly commented.

“You know him?” Sarah asked suspiciously.

Tears were overfilled in my eyes, my breath was hardly regular. I collected my separated nerves of my tongue together and said in disappointment “Yes, I do know him very well, sister.”

(Chapter is to be continued.)