I Am Schizophrenic

Chapter One

Preface

Living in a world you created for yourself is hard; what's harder is when you make this world, reality. Most of the children have imaginary friends; but what happens when your imaginary friends become REAL friends? When you actually believe that they are real. What happens when those friends ask you to harm yourself, and harm people around you? I shall tell you my story of my horrific battle with a monstrous illness. Here I am.

Chapter One

Woke up from a horrible nightmare.. as almost every day; it took me a minute to get out of my bed. I headed to the bathroom, looked at the mirror, finding a young girl with a pale face and black circles under her eyes. I sighed and washed my face and brushed my teeth.

Then I got dressed and went downstairs, finding the Evans have already begun eating breakfast. I rolled my eyes and started approaching near the breakfast table. My mother noticed me smiled and said,

"Morning, Tina." This was my mother, Victoria Evans, who cares about her work and fashion shows..blah, blah, blah.

I nodded. And as usual my father, Edward Evans, was reading the papers while eating. So, I think he didn't even bother noticing me. On his left-side, the 14-years-old princess, Isabella Evans, was eating her salad. Yes, Isabella eats almost every meal a lot of salad, to remain thin and beautiful. Such a shallow girl. Next to Isabella, Tyler was sitting. The popular college boy who finds football his pleasure. Tyler is what you call a jerk. Enough said. He noticed me and smiled dryly. I sat next to Harry, my 10-years-old favorite sibling, who looked at me innocently, smiled and said "Good morning, Tina." I smiled back and him and said "Morning."

So, this is our typical morning, sit on the same table, eating. But none of us talk to the other, not for any reasons, but, the Evans are what you call, too conceited to care for anybody. You can exclude me and Harry from them. I'll never be like them, loving myself too much that I could care less about people.

Harry and I dismissed ourselves because the school bus has come. But Isabella was too cocky to ride the bus, she would wait for her 17-years-old boyfriend who comes every day to pick her up to school with his amazing sports car. I get sick whenever I think about both of them, it's like babysitting, not a relationship. My brother and I took our seats on the bus, he started to read his Star Wars book and I started to listen to music on my iPod. Harry is a geek, he likes reading, likes science-fiction things, I like him, and like his simple and innocent hobbies. I was lost in the music I was listening too, looking at the window, and starting a new school day.

Walking in the school hall, heading to my locker; on the right side, there were the popular people talking and laughing, while making fun of people. And on the left side, the nerds were sharing opinions in homework. Continued walking to my locker and found Ellen standing next to my locker, smiling at me.

"Morning!" she cheerfully told me.

"Morning. How are you?"

"Good! You?"

"Alive." I laughed dryly.

Ellen is my best friend, known her since I was 7; she had always been sweet to me and supportive, but actually she has changed after dating her new boyfriend, Mike, who is on the basketball team-popular too. So things started to get awkward between us, we both know that we're not the same like before, but none of us speak. I think I don't care, as long as I have Jake.

We chatted normally and we were rudely interrupted by my sister, Isabella, who came with a fake smile and asked me,

"Hey, can I borrow your lip gloss?" I looked at Ellen with raising an eye-brow. Isabella continued, "Oh, I forgot. You don't wear make-up. Because you were meant to born a guy." She laughed, as her fake popular friends laughed with her at me. she looked at me a disgusting look then left with her gang. Ellen looked at my painfully and asked me,

"Are you okay? You know your sister; she's always like this."

"I know. It doesn't affect me." I said, trying to convince myself by my words.

I excused myself to go to the girls' room, I locked myself in it. Pulled out the razor out of my purse, pulled out my hand from the sleeve and started cutting it. It felt better; yes, every time I get abused like this, I cut myself. Yes, I'm a suicidal, but I can't change it. After crying my eyes out, and finished cutting. I headed to my science class. In the science lab, I hadn't any partners; but that day, Mr. Smith announced that there's a new student who joined us today and he'll be my lab partner. Oh, geez. I murmured. The new kid came and sat next to me, I didn't even look at him, pretending to focus on what Mr. Smith was saying. I could feel him staring at me, then he started talking;

"Hello." He simply told me.

I finally looked at him, he seemed nice. He has a brown hair and brown eyes, with cute features. "Hi." I said.

"I'm Derrick. Derrick Thomas." He introduced himself.

"I'm Tina, I mean Christina. Christina Evans."

"I like Tina." He told me smilingly.

I faked a smile back and whispered "thanks."

"Were you crying, Tina?" he asked me. I was surprised by his question, as nobody else noticed that I cried my eyes out from a while. I paused at him for a second then said,

"No," I denied.

"Whatever it is, don't even let anything make your tears fall."

I suspiciously looked at him, denied that I was really happy that someone was telling me that. As it was the first time; but he was still a stranger, and I wanted to show him that I'm not naïve.

"Could you mind your own business and focus on the damned lesson?"

He nodded at me.

I spent the rest of the class ignoring him, focusing on Mr. Smith only. And when the school day has finally ended and I went home, I felt relieved when I entered my room.

After minutes, I felt something, it was him-he came. I smiled like an idiot, Jake was here! He came and smiled at me, sitting on my bed in front of me. he looked handsome as usual, with a black shirt and jeans. With his blue eyes glittering and his pearl like teeth smiling.

"Hey, Tina."

"Hey, Jake. How are you?"

He frowned at me and said, "Me? I'm not fine."

"Why!?"

He pulled out my hands and saw the scars of the cutting from this morning. Then he looked at me and said, "Because of this."

"I..." I tried to say something but I failed.

"Hush." He told me, then he took my hand nearer and kissed the scars. I smiled at him stupidly, thinking how lucky I am to have him.

"Much better," I told him.

He came and sat next to me, while I put my head on his chest then he started to ask me about my day, and how am I feeling and such. Jake was my best friend, he considered me as his best friend too; but I was secretly crushing on him. He was the best thing I had in my life. So, we kept talking till I fell asleep in his arms, like every night. He gave me hope every day in this life.