I Am Schizophrenic

Chapter Twenty (Eliza's POV)

                                                                     ~ Eliza ~

I had always been like a match, I burn everything around me as well as myself. That how it was like all my life, I lost everything because of me. I lost the love and trust of my family, I lost the guy who I really liked and I lost my best friend, who was just as screwed-up as I am. I as well lost myself.

    I left Virginia after Ashton found out that I escaped a mental hospital. He was perplexed and disappointed. I had run out of lies and got sick of hiding the truth from him, as he kept asking about why I left my family. I decided to tell him, and it wasn't pretty. I can still remember his disapproval look at me; it was like he was looking at a monster. Poor Ashton, he was deceived by the girl whom he thought she was an angel. He obviously broke up with me because who in the world would date a psychotic, sucidial girl who also escaped a mental hospital? After that I decided to go back to California, to the mental hospital and recover. I had been there for over a month and all I had been thinking about is Christina. I betrayed her; I should have listened to her when she told me to go back to the hospital back then, I refused to and stayed by Ashton. And here I am now, at the hospital without her. 

    I sat by the locked window, seeking a ray of sunshine when Dr. Collins came to check on me. It's weird how this lady still treated me nicely even though we bluffed her and escaped. But oh, I know why; it's 'cause I'm ill.

    "I have good news for you, Elizabeth." she said calmly with a warm smile.

    "Shoot."

    "First, you're free to leave in two days. Second, Christina is here." she said. I was way excited about the latter.

    "She's here to visit!?" I enthusiastically asked.

    "No, to recover."

    I was happy for the first time in months, I was rather happy to know that Tina was here than to know that I could leave. I wanted to see her and talk to her, but I was so ashamed of myself and scared that she might not forgive me or hate me. But I was far from happy to know that I could leave; it meant that I would go back home and feel their disappointment and disapproval. I had wished to stay in hospital forever.

   "Can I see her!?" I requested.

    "No, she cannot see anyone just yet."

    "Please, Dr. Collins!" I begged.

    "I'm very sorry, Eliza."

    Then it came to me, "Can I at least send her a letter?"

    "Fine, but under my supervision, in case you're planning a second escape plan." she scolded me.

    "Thank you." I was satisfied.

    She handed me some papers and a pen, and I stared at the blank paper for some minutes, unable to write anything; my mind was blocked but I tried anyways.

    "Dear Christina,

    I am really happy to know that you're here. I've always known you're wise and that's why you took the right decision. I know you loathe me and you're disappointed in me, but you have no idea how ashamed I am of myself, Tina. I should have chosen you, we were in everything together and I bailed on you, just like that. I'm the worst friend anyone can have, but I promise that I've never stopped caring about you, I would wake up everyday from nightmares about killing you. I didn't kill you but I did worse, I lost your trust and I let you down. But don't worry, Karma took care of me well. I wish I could just see you know,I wish you could forgive me. I know it's hard, I threw away a valuable friendship just like that, but I'm dumb, Christina. And you're way smarter than me. I lost everything, everyone and that's okay. We're humans, we tend to lose people at some point in our lives, that's how life work. And some people of who we lose don't deserve to be cried over them, but you're a person who I would spend my time to cry over her. I'm sorry I lost you, I'd do anything to win your trust and forgiveness back. Because you were the only one who stood by me as the rest of the world stood against me.