On the road with Ryder Crawford (Haylor Fanfic)

XIII - Broken hearts

After our last set, we all said our goodbyes and went on our way home.

I hailed a cab to my apartment because of exhaustion from everything that has happened today.

I am beaten up physically but more so emotionally and mentally.

It has started raining and I oddly found peace in it when I usually dislike the rain.

The cab pulls up in front of my apartment and I pay my fare, slinging my guitar on my shoulder as I exit the cab.

My original plan was to run for it inside quickly but that went out the window when I saw Andrew standing by the steps drenched in the rain.

Stuck there my legs refused to move, I stare at him as he stares at me too.

His eyes are bloodshot and a deep crease has formed under them.

"Sil, baby please" He says his mouth shaking from the cold.

He steps towards me and hold me by my shoulders, his hair flat on his forehead and water dripping to his face.

I was frozen. Every muscle in my body is frozen.

"I'm not humiliated. The truth is- I can't do it... I need you back at Arizona. Please Sil... just stop doing this" He drags with so much pain in his voice.

My chest feels like a wrecking ball just thumped against it.

He's in so much pain and I can't stand putting him through any

Right there I knew the problem and the solution.

"Andrew" I whisper silently then paused.

"Why do you need me in Arizona?" I continued.

He puts his eyes on mine and drill through them, his mouth slightly opened my question clearly catching him off guard.

Suddenly like he was snapped out of a thought,

"I- I can't take not seeing you when I come home... Sil not knowing how you're doing, who you're meeting... I- I can't handle it." He murmurs resting his forehead on mine.

"Andrew I love you..." I begin softly and kiss his lips.

"I love you." He says staggered by his sobs, his shoulders shake back and forth from crying.

"Shhh, we can't be like this. It's difficult, but I can't just drop my dream" I reply then kiss his forehead.

His jaws clench and eyebrows furrow tight.

"It can't go both ways Sil. It's this or that." He says sternly.

I nod seeing his statement coming; right now we want two different things.

He's gotten used to my life revolving around a tiny circle with him mostly in the middle, and it has made our relationship.

It was simple.

But in the short stay I had out here in Nashville, busting my ass and coming home hurling myself to bed because my leg muscles are burning and every inch of me is dead tired.

My body was tired and ready to give up, not my resolve. No, never my resolve.

My throat seemed to lose all voice but somehow mustered up just enough to say what I'm about to say.

"I'm staying Andrew" I say with my heart slowly crumbling with every word.

He wipes his face off of wetness from tears and rain, sliding his hand from his eyes to his mouth and as if his knees gave up, he sits to his heels on the sidewalk of my apartment.

He lets out a few humorless laugh.
"How did we get here? When did we become so selfish?" he mutters under his breath.

"Come inside with me Drew we're going to catch a cold" I say tugging on his arm but he shoves his arm from my grasp and stand up, his face now directly in front of mine.

"Just so we're clear you chose to end us" He says with controlled resentment.

"It doesn't need to be the end, just understand" I say pleading to him.

"No Sil. You either have me or you don't and you just made your choice didn't you? Good luck on everything" he replies, his right hand balled up making his knuckles white.

"If you just give me even the slightest chance, All I want is a short time of trying to make something of myself. I'll come back home if nothing but the band goes my way. Why can't you see that?" I am now almost begging for him to understand.

"Why can't you see it's not happening Silver! You're singing in a bar! Do you know what people are saying about you?! Just go home, this is not a fairytale!! Stop these delusions!" He half shouts.

My hands cup my mouth instantaneously.

Right here Andrew just shot the last bullet.

Without saying a word, I ran to the gate sobbing.

"Sil!" he calls out, running after me.

But as I reached the gate, I slammed it behind me locking him out.

"Just get out" I tell him in finality, the gate separating us.

His eyes full of sorrow, I turned around and darted as fast as I could towards my room.

As I reach my door, I hurriedly closed it after I went in and pressed my back against the door.

All of a sudden my legs crumble and I dropped to the floor, tears and loud sobs refusing to be held back.

My whole body is shaking and I don't even know if it's because of the rain or because I think I just lost Andrew, my first love... the boy who showed me what's it's like to love someone with your whole heart.

The boy who didn't care if I was a nobody, person who did nothing but love me.

And what did I do? I shoved him away to chase something that isn't even remotely possible.

My crying grew louder as these thoughts sink in.

"What have I done?" I mutter in between wailing.

I stood up and ran towards the window trying to spot if he was still outside, he wasn't.

I fished for my phone in my bag to see if he called, he didn't.

"Please... please come back. Please Andrew. Oh God please" I plead whilst holding my phone with my two hands.

The feeling of doom dawning in as I realize everything just slipped away, I'll never be the same.

I'll never love like this again.

But is it so wrong to want something more for myself?

Losing Andrew, will it be worth it?

They call it a broken heart but why does my whole body feel like breaking?

Thoughts on who is being selfish? Silver or Andrew?

Soooo after this a certain superstar is making a come back! Hope you're as excited as I am! ♥️